Mornie Utulie
by FairyTaleLover6
Summary: When Frodo returned to the Shire after his long journey to Mordor, he hoped that life would go back to normal. Yet the influence of the Ring cannot be undone, and the darkness lingers. Lucky for him though, Sam and another very special Hobbit are there to help him see the Sun again. Somewhat AU, mostly movie-verse, Frodo/OC.
1. Prologue

**Mornié Utulie**

"These wounds won't seem to heal;

This pain is just too real;

There's just too much that time cannot erase…"

-"My Immortal," Evanescence

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to see the ways in which you yourself have altered."

-Nelson Mandela

_Prologue_

Frodo sat in the study of Bag End, trying for the seventh time to write some sort of poem like he used to before he left the Shire. But nothing seemed to come to mind, nothing except sad words about feeling estranged and alienated from the world. He couldn't help but wonder why. Shouldn't everything be better now that he was home now? He would have thought it would, but it hadn't turned out that way. The hobbits here often glared at him, angry that he left the Shire, disturbing their peaceful lives. Their rejection bothered him more than he cared to admit. He'd never been popular, and he was quite fine with that, but he grew tired of the never-ending whispers about where he'd gone, why he went, and why he was missing a finger. The speculations he'd heard ranged from the pernicious to the ridiculous.

Yet the snobbery of the hobbits wasn't the only problem he faced. He was also still plagued by the same nightmares that he'd had on the Quest. His shoulder still pained him terribly on rainy days. And the darkness still pressed down on his mind despite the Evenstar that Queen Arwen had given him. He felt so very…..well,_ lost_ was the only word that seemed to fit. He felt like he'd lost the Frodo he'd been before, the one who knew no evil, only the good and peace of the Shire. Yet now he was much too familiar with what was dark. It surrounded him, constantly pulling at him. He was lost in shadows of the past, and he couldn't seem to find his way back.

He had _not _mentioned any of this to Sam. Sam had already fretted over him too much both on their journey, and also after they came back to the Shire. He was always asking him how was feeling, telling him he needed to eat, needed to rest….and on and on. He could only imagine how Sam would act if he told him the truth about how he felt. Yet maybe Sam knew anyway. On their journey to Mordor, he'd tell Sam he was all right, but Sam saw through it every single time without fail. It was uncanny how he could always pick up how he was feeling. Yet he knew was lucky to have such a good friend as Sam, even if he did seem over concerned sometimes. He was far from well, that was obvious enough, but he didn't want to burden Sam with his problems all the time. Sam should be able to think about other things sometimes besides his ailing friend, like his budding romance with Rosie Cotton, the lass he'd loved for years.

He heard a knock at the door of Bag End, then the soft sound of footsteps. He smiled. He was certain it was Sam. Sure enough, Sam appeared in the doorway, his mail in his hand. "Hullo, Mr. Frodo," said Sam, placing it on top of the desk. "Brought your mail, I did."

"Thank you, Sam," he said quietly. "It's very kind of you."

""Tisn't a problem, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "I'm right glad to do it." He peered closely at him. "Have you been outside at all today?"

"No, I'm afraid not, Sam," he said. "I've been….preoccupied."

Sam glanced from Frodo's face to the blank piece of paper in front of him. He promptly looked slightly skeptical. "Oh, I see," he said. "Lost in thought again?"

Lost! What a perfectly suitable word for Sam to pick. Hadn't he just used that very word to describe himself? He _was _lost- lost in thought, lost in the darkness of his mind, lost under a perpetual cloud of gloom that he couldn't seem to shake. "Something like that, Sam," he said.

For once Sam didn't press him to talk. "Well, it is a beautiful day, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "The leaves have finally change d. Right gold, they are. Do you see?"He gestured out the window.

Frodo looked out the window like Sam asked. "Oh, yes, indeed," he said, absently. Actually, he couldn't see how it was any different than any other day, and he couldn't see the gold in the leaves either. They only seemed like a dull yellow to him. But even if he had, he was sure the color gold would never seem the same to him again. He certainly couldn't see the beauty in it that Sam did.

He couldn't see the beauty in anything.

* * *

AN: This is for you, ladyinblack! :) I hope you like this story where our Frodo has a slightly happier ending.


	2. An Impromptu Tea Party

**Chapter 1- An Impromptu Tea Party**

The Shire, with all its peace and beauty, could be considered a place that many would want to live. Yet the only problem was that, because of its tranquility, nothing much ever changed. The seasons passed in the usual fashion, without much variance at all. Sometimes Lilly Banks thought it was like being asleep, or in a never ending dream. She awoke in the morning, she had breakfast with her Mum, Da, her brother Teddy, and her sister, Daisy, helped at her family's store, went home, had dinner, and fell asleep. Then she'd do it again the next day, and the next and the next. It wasn't a bad life by any means, but sometimes she wished that her life could be different. Maybe some small ups every once and a while would suit, something to break up the tedium. Perhaps it could be just a small thing, but nice or different. Was that too much to ask?

Maybe it was, Lilly thought one beautiful fall day. It was after luncheon now, and she should be heading downstairs to help Da out at the store where they sold almost anything, from "soup to nuts" as he would say. But she didn't feel like it. She lay on her bed, day-dreaming about what places there might be outside of the Shire. She'd heard stories, of course, from the seemingly one hobbit who'd ever traveled- Bilbo Baggins. He'd created fanciful tales about Elves and Rivendell, dwarves and dragons. They were fascinating to her, and she'd wished many times that she could meet one of the Elves. They sounded amazingly beautiful and wise to her, and she'd like to hear all their stories as well. Yet she sometimes wondered how much was true about Bilbo's tales. Though she did not consider Bilbo completely cracked like some of the other hobbits, she sometimes thought that he might have embellished some of it for the sake of the story. But she supposed she'd never know now. Old Bilbo had vanished at his one hundred and eleventh birthday party last fall, and no one had seen him since. No one had seen Frodo Baggins, his heir, Merry Brandybuck, or Samwise Gamgee for months either, and her cousin, Pippin Took was missing too. Where had they all gone?

"Lilly!"

Lilly sighed. Mum was calling her, and though she didn't particularly want to, she forced herself off her bed and walked downstairs to the kitchen. "Yes, Mum?" she said.

Mum stood at the table, putting scones in several different baskets. Lilly instantly wondered at that. Had a new hobbit family moved to Bywater or something? Mum glanced at her briefly, before she returned to her task. "Oh there you are, Lilly," she said. "I was hoping you could do something for me this afternoon, as long as you don't have any other plans."

She didn't really, not unless she counted sitting on her bed and thinking, which didn't truly count. Mum wouldn't count it; that was for sure. Besides, Da could probably use her help at the store as usual. "No, I don't have any plans," said Lilly. "What do you need?" She took one of the scones and nibbled on it.

"Well, I received a letter from your Aunt Eglantine the other day and Pippin is finally back," she said.

Lilly felt more than a little excited about that. Pippin was one of her favorite cousins. Life was never dull when he was around, and it certainly broke up some of the tedium. "Really? That's wonderful. I'm so glad."

Mum gave her a smile. "So I made these scones for him and Merry, and Ruby will make sure Merry gets some. Just as a welcome back, you know." Lilly nodded. Her brother in law, Rob Burrows, and her oldest sister, Ruby, lived closer to Buckland than they did, and it made sense that Mum would ask Ruby to help. It also made sense that her Mum would do something as kind and thoughtful as send scones to welcome those hobbits back. "I've sent some with Daisy to give to Sam Gamgee."

"That's nice, Mum," said Lilly sincerely. "It's so very gracious of you."

Mum looked pleased at the compliment. "Thank you, Lilly," she said. "But it's really the least we can do for them. From what Eglantine wrote, it doesn't sound like they had an easy time of it."

"That's a shame," said Lilly. "She didn't mention where they went, did she?"

Mum shook her head. "No," she said, almost to herself. "She didn't really say much on that at all."

Mum sounded slightly distracted, and Lilly wondered if there was something that Mum wasn't saying. She stared at the basket she had been filing with scones as if the answers of the world were in it. It wasn't like her mother at all. Ordinarily, she was so cheerful. "Mum?" said Lilly softly.

Mum blinked. "Yes, Lilly, I'm sorry. I haven't told you why I called you down, have I? It's not that complicated. I was just hoping you could go to Bag End and give some to Frodo Baggins."

Lilly had taken a bite of her scone, and now she nearly choked on it. "Um…Frodo?" Her mum wanted her to go to _Bag End_? She'd hear the rumors, of course, that Frodo was back when she was at the store and he was apparently even more cracked than before. Yet she wasn't sure how much of that were true. Probably none of it actually, concerning it mostly came from the Grubbs and the Chubbs. They weren't exactly known for their honesty, and she didn't think that he could be as cracked as they said. He'd never been cracked, not in her mind anyway. They just said that because he'd never been like them, which was a wonderful thing, to be sure. They were fairly shallow, and one thing that Frodo was _not _was shallow. So why should she _not _go? It would be certainly nice to see him again.

"Yes, Lilly," said Mum. "Could you please do this for me? I'd like to go, but with the store and everything-…."

"No, Mum," said Lilly, able to speak again. "It's fine. I'll go right now if you'd like me to."

A look of relief crossed Mum's face. "That would be wonderful, thank you." She handed Lilly a small basket of scones, and Lilly took it, after pulling on her shawl. "I'll be back for dinner," she said, and left after giving a smile to her Mum.

As she walked toward Bag End, Lilly mused that she hadn't seen Frodo for a long time- a year at least. Not since Bilbo's birthday party last September, if she remembered correctly. Her thoughts traveled backward, and she imagined that night in her mind. He had looked so very handsome, in that vest of his, and she had wished that he would dance with her.

He hadn't, of course. The closest she had been to anything remotely like it was when he danced by himself next to her. She almost laughed despite herself. He hadn't been particularly good at it either, though she was sure he probably didn't know that or didn't care. He had looked at her once and smiled, but soon after that he'd gone to talk to Sam about something.

She'd always had a soft spot in her heart for Frodo though. It wasn't something that had started last year or the year before that. It likely went all the way back to when Teddy was just a wee little hobbit and getting into trouble with Merry, Pippin, Fatty Bolger, and even Frodo too. She could recall one time when Mum had asked her to go find Teddy when he'd been off with them and tell him to come home for dinner. She had found them, all right, but they'd thought it be grand to hide from her, and then run away when she grew close to finding them again. Acts that she could only credit as something they thought was fun in their young and slightly juvenile (at the time, that is) minds. The little blighters! When she'd tried to run after Teddy and Pippin, she'd tripped and fallen right on her face, scraping up her knee. She'd been on the verge of tears, thinking that the five of them were acting perfectly beastly. But Frodo had come out of his hiding spot and asked her very sympathetically if she was all right.

She'd thought then that he was a special and exceptionally kind hobbit, and that opinion hadn't diminished over the years.

Lost in her own thoughts, she found that Bag End came up sooner than she thought it would, and she stared at the green door in hesitation. How should you greet someone whom you haven't seen in a year?

"Hello, Lilly," she heard Sam say behind her. "Thank you very much for the scones."

She turned to face him. It didn't surprise her much that he was here. He and Frodo had always been close friends, and she was sure that their journey together hadn't changed that. Besides, Sam was his gardener. Sam also happened to be one of the gentlest and kindest hobbits she knew. She smiled at him, glad that he liked the scones. Daisy must have already given them to him, which she certainly was happy about because Daisy could be flighty at times. "You're very welcome, Sam. I hope you liked them," she said.

He smiled back. "I reckon they were some of the best I've ever eaten, Lilly," he said. "But are you here to see Mr. Frodo?" An unreadable expression appeared in his eyes.

"Yes," she said, wondering if she should go. The way Sam looked wasn't exactly encouraging. "But if it's a bad time, I can-…" She stopped, biting her lip- something she always did when she was nervous about something. "I'm here to bring him his own scones because he returned too, but-…"

The door opened from behind her. "Sam, can you-…." She turned around, only to see Frodo standing there. She noticed that he looked mostly the same as he had before, with that dark curly hair. But there was an almost haunted expression in his blue eyes, his face was very pale, and his clothes almost hung on him. He'd always been thinner than some of the other hobbits, but now he looked almost like a scarecrow.

Actually, on second thought, he didn't look the same at all, and her concern was immediately aroused. She wasn't able to recall him ever looking like this before. He'd always seemed so carefree, like most young hobbits were, even though not many had struck her as being as kind as he was. "Oh. Good day, Miss Banks," he said politely.

She gave a small curtsy, though she realized it likely wasn't necessary. Her Mum had drilled good manners in her from an early age though, and it was just part of her now. "Good day, Mr. Baggins." She realized that probably wasn't necessary either. But her mouth felt dry and she bit her lip again. "I-…uh…My mum sent these scones for you, just to welcome you back to the Shire."

She saw a hint of surprise cross his face. "Scones to…._welcome_ me back?"

"Yes." She felt her cheeks heat up. Maybe he thought it was silly somehow. "I know that maybe it seems odd, but my mum thought it would be nice and I-…." She willed herself to stop babbling. Surely he had other things to do than listen to her prattle on. "Anyway, here you go," she said, shoving the plate toward him.

He smiled and took it, though she noticed again how incredibly sad he looked. She wondered what could have happened to cause such sorrow. "Thank you. It's so very kind of you and your Mum." Something appeared to catch his attention from behind her, and she almost turned around to look. But Sam was still next to the hole…maybe it had been him. "Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?"

"I'd love to," she said, smiling. He opened the door wider for her, and when she entered, she couldn't help a little gasp. "Oh." Bag End was positively beautiful, and so fancy with all the portraits and lovely furniture.

"Something the matter?" he asked.

"No," she said. She managed to smile. "It's just…well, this is the nicest hole I've ever seen, Mr. Baggins."

And it was. It was clean, cozy…everything a hobbit would want in a hole, and incredibly well-kept. She didn't think she saw even a spot of dust.

"Thank you," he said, taking her cloak and hanging it up for her. "But please, you can call me Frodo. Mr. Baggins is my uncle. Besides, we've known each other for years."

Mr. Bilbo, he meant, the old owner of Bag End. But she said nothing about how she heard everyone talk about how queer he was, always going on adventures, and didn't he know that hobbits were supposed to stay in the Shire, and never do anything unexpected? It was positively unnatural! But she had always liked Mr. Bilbo, despite his eccentricities. "And you may call me Lillian."

"Lillian."

"Or Lilly," she said. "Many people still call me Lilly. But it really doesn't matter which, as long as you don't call me Lillipad, which is what Teddy-…" _Oh, do be quiet_, she thought to herself. She sounded like the biggest dullard this side of the Brandywine. What was wrong with her today?

"Ah, yes," he said, walking to the kitchen. "And how is Teddy?"

She sat down at the table. "He's getting into all sorts of mischief, but I think he missed doing that with Pippin and Mr. Brandybuck."

He set the tea kettle on, and took two blue floral cups out, putting one in front of her. "That sounds like him," he said. "Though I think it will be a while before Merry and Pippin are ready for more mischief."

"Maybe," she acknowledged. "But I'm sure that he could drag them into it."

He managed to laugh, and it was one of the nicest sounds she'd heard in a while. "You could be right, Lilly."

_Lilly…._Her name sounded so lovely when he said it. The tea kettle began to whistle, and he took it off, pouring tea into the cups. As he did, she observed that part of one of his fingers was clean off, and she desperately wanted to know how that happened. Mum would have her head if she asked though, and she resisted the urge. Instead, she asked about something else. He had put the scones on the table, and she gestured toward them. "Wouldn't you like to try a scone, Frodo?"

"No, thank you," he said politely as he sat across from her. "I'm not…..I'm not particularly hungry at the moment, though I'm glad you brought them." He pushed them toward her. "But you may of course have one if you like."

Her worry for him increased exponentially. No healthy hobbit could ever refuse one of her Mum's famous scones. No wonder he looked so scrawny. "No, I'm fine," she said. Actually, she'd love to have one, but she wasn't going to eat if he didn't. "So, if I may ask, how were your travels?"

His eyes clouded over. She caught it easily, and she could tell whatever adventure he'd been on hadn't been completely….pleasant. "They were…..eventful."

"What was your favorite place?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, and she wondered if she shouldn't have asked it. "Minas Tirith was incredible," he said finally. "And I remember that Rivendell was beautiful too."

"Oh, so you saw the Elves!" she exclaimed. "How perfectly splendid! I always thought it be such a grand experience to see them."

He managed to smile, and she felt relieved. The last thing she wanted to do was upset him. "It was," said Frodo. "They were so very kind, but also wise and peaceful. Rivendell was like a home…away from home."

"But I'm sure you still missed the Shire," said Lilly. "There truly is no place quite like it, don't you think?'

"Yes, I do," he said. "If…if circumstances were different, I would have gone home after that." He fiddled with the handle of his cup. "You know, adventures aren't exactly what they are in books or tales, Lilly," he added in a low voice.

"You don't have to convince me," she said, then smiled. "The most adventurous thing I ever wanted to do was go see the Elves."

"Still, that's pretty adventurous for a hobbit," he said. "Most don't even want to leave the Shire."

"Maybe," she said. "But the Elves have always interested me, and I think it is perfectly wonderful that they have their own languages and everything."

"Yes," said Frodo, his expression finally brightening a little. He liked the Elves too, she could tell. "Sindarin and Quenya. They are truly beautiful."

"You know them?" she asked in surprise.

"Indeed," he said. "Bilbo taught me when I first moved to Bag End."

"Oh, you're so lucky!" said Lilly.

"Do you really think so?" he said. He looked at her like he was shocked another hobbit liked elves. Maybe he was. "If you truly feel that way, I could perhaps teach you some. But only if you wanted to."

For a moment, she couldn't say anything, she was so overcome with delight. "Thank you. That would be ever so kind of you," said Lilly. "I'd love that."

"You're welcome," said Frodo. "But I'll warn you now that they're not particularly easy to learn."

"That's quite all right," she said. "Worthwhile things seldom are."

His gaze dropped from her face to his cup. "How very true," he said softly.

Frodo's voice sounded far away, and Lilly made the decision to excuse herself. "Well, it's been wonderful to see you again, Frodo," she said, standing up. "But I should probably go home. My family will be expecting me."

Being the gentlehobbit that he was, Frodo rose to his feet as well. "All right," he said. "Let me walk you to the door."

"Oh, thank you," she said. She followed him to the door, and she smiled.

He smiled back though she noticed it did _not _reach his eyes. "Thank you for coming, Lilly," he said. "Tell your Mum thank you for the scones."

"I will," said Lilly. "Thank you for being willing to teach me some Elvish." She looked at him, wishing for the countless time that his expression wasn't so sad. "I hope…I hope it won't be too much of a bother for you," she added shyly.

"It's no bother at all," said Frodo. "In fact…it will be good for me to have something to do."

"Oh, I see," said Lilly. "Well, Tuesday afternoons usually would work for me."

Frodo nodded. "Yes, that would be fine for me as well. I suppose I'll see you then?"

"Yes, I'll be here," said Lilly. "Thank you. Fare well until we meet again."

"You as well, Lilly," said Frodo.

At that, Lilly left and walked home, a slight spring in her step and happiness in her heart. Well, imagine that, she thought to herself. She couldn't help but feel that something nice finally had happened.

XxXxXxXx

Frodo had barely shut the door when Sam came inside. He remembered quickly the look Sam had given him that prompted him to invite Lilly in the first place. He had no desire to be rude, though he probably wouldn't have done it otherwise. Lilly Banks was a perfectly kind lass, but he hadn't felt much like talking to people as of late. He didn't understand quite why. He just didn't. Something about it was…._difficult_. It was almost like he had to pretend he was all right, and he knew he wasn't. Not even in the slightest degree. "Yes, Sam," he said lightly. "I gave her a cup of tea."

Sam flushed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo. It just seemed like the polite thing to do."

"Was it indeed."

"Yes, and begging your pardon," said Sam in his matter of fact way, "but if someone's kind enough to bring you scones, the least you can do is to invite them in for tea."

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes, it is," said Sam. "Especially if they're as nice as she is."

"She is, isn't she."

"And pretty too."

He finally cracked a small smile. In truth, Sam was right about that. With her brown curls and green eyes, Lilly lived up to her name and was a pretty lass. He'd have to be blind not to notice, even if he felt like he was most of the time. But he'd never comment on Lilly's looks aloud. "But not as pretty as Rosie."

"_No one's_ as pretty as Rosie," said Sam loyally. "But she's pretty in her own right, and as nice a hobbit lass as you'd ever want to meet."

Sam didn't often comment on any of the other hobbit girls, and Frodo's suspicion was immediately aroused. Sam didn't even seem to notice that any other girl existed besides Rosie. "Now, Sam, you're not playing matchmaker, are you?" he said.

"And what if I am?" he replied. "I just want to see you happy, Mr. Frodo."

"Dear Sam," he said fondly. "You are always so kind." He let out a sigh. "Some days I fear happiness is a ship that has long set sail without me."

Sam's face filled with sympathy. "I'm so sorry, sir."

"It's all right, it isn't your fault," said Frodo.

"I know, but I wish…" Sam's voice trailed off. "Did you at least have a nice time with her?"

Frodo thought about it. He remembered how they'd talked about his trip and then the Elves. But not once had Lilly asked about his finger. Not once. And he knew she'd noticed too. He'd seen the look in her eyes. Yet she'd respected his privacy, and he appreciated it more than he could say. "Do you know it, I did, Sam," he said at last. "She was very kind, and she was even interested in the Elves."

"Did she?" said Sam. "How nice. That's a rarity among hobbits."

"It is indeed," he mused. "She even seemed so interested that I offered to teach her some Elvish."

Sam's whole face lit up and he smiled. "Oh, you did? That's splendid; truly splendid. Maybe she'll be a new friend for you."

"I…._have_ friends, Sam," said Frodo. "I don't think I'm particularly looking for new ones, especially because no hobbit could find any better friends than you, Merry, and Pippin in all of Middle Earth."

"Well, yes, I suppose," said Sam, always humble. "But you don't have one like_ her_."

He finally realized what Sam truly meant by all this. He_ was_ playing matchmaker. "Oh, Sam," he said, shaking his head. "I don't think-…."

"I know you don't, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "But well…..why not?"

Why not, indeed. He could think of a list of reasons as long as his arm of why not, but he decided not to mention any of them. "Oh, Sam," was all he said.

"Just think about it," said Sam. He glanced out the window of Bag End, and Frodo could see that the sun was beginning to set. He looked at Sam, and he knew what he was going to say.  
"I should probably be getting home," said Sam. "My Gaffer and everyone will be expecting me."

"Oh, all right, Sam," said Frodo. "Have a good night."

"You too," said Sam. "See you tomorrow."

"Righto, Sam," he said. "Thank you."

Sam left after that, and immediately he was conscious of how very big and quiet Bag End felt now that he was the only one here. But he tried to put it out of his mind as he ate dinner, and instead think of other things. Like his conversation with Lilly.

It hadn't, he thought, been easy to answer her question about what his favorite place was, partly because so many of them had been so awful and he tried not to think about them. Yet Rivendell was wonderful as was Minas Tirith. Lothlórien and Caras Galadhon had been beautiful like the others, but that place was too wrapped up with the memory of the Lady Galadriel's mirror and his grief over Gandalf. He could not in any honesty say it was a favorite. But Lilly had been kind to even ask about his travels. Most hobbits were more interested in gossip than the truth. Lilly even seemed to know when to not ask any more questions too, like she could tell he didn't really want to talk about it. She even was interested in Elves, and wanted to learn their language.

Indeed, Lilly Banks didn't seem like most of the hobbits in the Shire, and if he were honest, there was something almost refreshing about that.

* * *

AN: So you may wonder how Lilly is related to Pippin. Well, it seems that Pippin's mother's name was Eglantine Banks before she married Paladin Took, and Lilly shares the same last name. So I thought that in this story, her father and Eglantine could be brother and sister.

Thank you to lady in black for her support of this story!


	3. Of Brooding and Hobbits

**Chapter 2-Of Brooding and Hobbits**

The next few days didn't particularly pass quickly or easily for Frodo. He read some, but he didn't particularly want to leave his home and have the other hobbits potentially be rude to him. So he ultimately spent a lot of his time doing what he called thinking, and what Sam called brooding. And he made it perfectly clear that he didn't approve. "It ain't right, Mr. Frodo," he'd said more times than Frodo could count. "It ain't right for you to be so melancholy, brooding all the time, and I have to tell you that I don't like it. It ain't right for a hobbit to be inside so much either. Don't you miss the sun?"

Of course he missed the sun. But that was because he couldn'teven _see _it, not because he spent a lot of time indoors. Yet to placate Sam, he finally did start taking long walks again- though he walked in the direction of the woods (where he would _not_ have to talk to other hobbits), instead of the direction of Hobbiton and Bywater (where he would). It didn't take long for Sam to realize that's what he was doing, however- and he didn't mind telling him that he didn't approve of _that _either. "Begging your pardon, Mr. Frodo, sir," he'd said yesterday. "But I know you're not talking to anybody on those walks of yours. So there ain't no difference between brooding in your study and brooding in the woods. It's the same thing, and I still don't like it."

Frodo hadn't been entirely sure what to say to that. He still wasn't. He didn't know exactly what Sam wanted from him, but he couldn't act like he had before. It just wasn't possible. But maybe he _should_ do something besides think all the time. Sam was right that it hadn't helped him any. He sighed, trying to find anything that he could do. After dismissing several options, he eventually decided to gather together some Elvish books for Lilly's lesson, and began to skim through them, picking out basic words that she might like to know.

But he soon came across Bilbo's handwriting in the margins, and he grew melancholy once more. He remembered those happy times when Bilbo had taught him, and he missed him very much. Maybe he wouldn't be so lonely if Bilbo was here.

But it wasn't as if Bilbo was….completely _gone._ He was only in Rivendell, but sometimes that felt as far away as Mordor. _Stop your brooding,_ he ordered himself. _Do something productive! _The voice in his head sounded an awful lot like Sam, but he _was_ right. He remembered the scones that Lilly Banks had brought a few days ago and he pulled out a piece of paper. He began to write.

_November 6_

_Dear Mrs. Banks and Lilly,_

_Thank you very much for the scones. I appreciate it more than I can say, and I am touched by your thoughtfulness. The scones were the best that I have ever eaten, and I truly enjoyed them. I also enjoyed your visit, Lilly. I look forward to seeing you on Tuesday. _

_With much gratitude,_

_Frodo Baggins_

Tuesday was actually tomorrow. He realized that if he mailed it, the letter probably wouldn't make sense. He sat back, thinking. Should he still mail it? Sam would tell him to just walk over to Bywater and give it to them personally. "It'd get you out your hole, Mr. Frodo," Sam would say, "and you might actually need to talk to someone besides me."

_Fine, Sam, _he thought. He was growing tired of arguing with him, even if it was only in his head. _I'll go._ He walked to the hallway, pulled on his coat, and left the hole. Sam was outside weeding, and Frodo did not miss the surprised look on his face. "Where're you off to, Mr. Frodo?" he asked.

"To Bywater, Sam," he answered.

Sam began to smile, all the way to his eyes. Obviously he was pleased. "Well," he said, clearly impressed. "I think that's just wonderful. I hope you have a good time."

"Thank you, Sam." _Have a good time, indeed._ He wasn't sure if that were possible, and his feeling was justified as he walked toward Bywater. He saw many hobbits on his way, and he smiled politely, sometimes saying a soft hello. But most of them either stared rudely, usually at his hand (though he had made sure his finger was discreetly hidden in his coat), or glared. Both reactions hurt equally, and it grew harder and harder to continue to smile kindly at them. _See, Sam, _he thought. _This is precisely why I walk to the woods, to avoid this. _The walk to Bywater seemed to last an eternity, and he was beyond relieved when he reached the Banks' home. He quietly knocked on the door. He heard footsteps, and then Mrs. Banks opened the door. He immediately noticed that Lilly and her Mum had the same big green eyes. Mrs. Banks looked surprised to see him, but she still smiled widely. "Why, Frodo Baggins," she said warmly. "I haven't seen you in at least a year. How are you?"

He managed to smile at her welcome. It was surely a change from the surliness of the other hobbits. "I'm all right, Mrs. Banks," he said. "Thank you very much for the scones."

She continued to smile. "Well, you're most welcome, Frodo," she said. "I hope you enjoyed them."

Most food didn't even taste particularly good lately, but he remembered how wonderful her scones had been before. "Very much," he said. "It was so kind of you to send them."

"I was happy to do it," she said. "You know we're all glad that you, along with Sam, Merry, and Pippin, are back."

Frodo's gaze dropped down at his feet. We're_ all _glad_?_ Somehow that didn't feel quite true, especially when he thought about the walk to Bywater. But maybe she meant the entire Banks family. Lilly had certainly been kind to him. He forced himself look at her again. "Thank you," he said. "It's….good to be back in the Shire." He held out the letter. "Here, I brought this for you…and Lilly."

She reached out to take it. "Well, thank you," she said, studying him closely. "Lilly's at the store, but I'll make sure she sees it as well." She opened the door wider. "Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?"

Mrs. Banks was kind to ask, but he knew he wouldn't take her offer. "No, I need to go back to Hobbiton," he said. "But thank you. Maybe some other time."

The slightest hint of disappointment appeared in her eyes, followed by concern. "Oh, that's a shame," she said. "But thank you for coming by. It was surely good to see you."

"You as well, Mrs. Banks," he said. "Farewell."

She smiled, though he could see that she was still concerned. "Farewell, Frodo," she said. "Take…take care of yourself."

"I will," he said automatically before he turned and left.

_Take care of yourself, _he thought as he walked home. He didn't even know what that meant anymore.

XxXxXxXx

When Frodo finally reached Bag End, Sam was still there, tending to the flowers. Sam smiled as soon as Frodo walked up. "Well, hello there, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "Did you have a nice time on your walk to Bywater?"

_No. _"Mrs. Banks was very kind," he said, attempting to be evasive.

Sam frowned, and Frodo had the feeling he could see right through him. Why did he bother trying to hide anything from Sam? He _always_ could see the truth. "You didn't have a good walk then, did you?"

"No, Sam," he answered quietly.

"Why not?" said Sam, now confused. "I thought you liked your walks."

"I do," he said. "But the hobbits…." He trailed off, unsure how to continue. The words to describe their attitude escaped him.

Sam understood what he meant though. "You know how they can be, Mr. Frodo. Just don't let their attitude bother you."

Sometimes- no, _often_- Frodo wished he could think about things as simply as Sam did. Just brush it off, Sam had said every single time they'd talked about this, as if it were that easy. It wasn't. Not at all. He sat down on the bench in front of Bag End, and stared at his maimed hand. Everything that seemed wrong about his life was perfectly exemplified in it. Half of him was broken and dead, just like his stump of a finger. "It's not that simple, Sam," he said softly. "It's not."

Sam stopped whatever he was doing with the flowers, and sat next to him on the bench. "You know I'm still here to help you, Mr. Frodo," said Sam gently.

_Dear Sam. _No one could have a kinder or more loyal friend than Samwise Gamgee. "I know," he said. "I know you are. And I appreciate it more than I can say, Sam. But there are problems that even you can't solve."

"I would if I could, Mr. Frodo," he said. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

He didn't think there was anything that Sam could do that he wasn't already. "Just be yourself," he said. "Just be Sam. Be happy and enjoy your life."

"Well, I reckon I can do that, sir," said Sam thoughtfully. "But I wish you could too. I wish you could be happy in the Shire, like you used to."

He could remember those happy days here before the Quest vividly. "You have no idea how much I wish I could too, Sam," he said. "I wish that more than anything."

Sam said nothing, only touched his shoulder. But that gesture alone spoke more than words ever could. He wasn't completely alone; Sam was here to help him.

For the moment, that knowledge was enough.

XxXxXxXx

Lilly had her usual Monday afternoon at the store, and it seemed to drag on for infinity. It wasn't that the store was dead; it wasn't. But some of her least favorite hobbits had come in at the same time, and they had their usual urge to say somewhat snide remarks, this time about Frodo. After seeing him last week, Lilly frankly couldn't stand listening to it, though she had to anyway. They were standing right in front of her and, since she was manning the desk, she couldn't leave.

"So you know that Frodo Baggins is back," said Poppy Chubb.

Her companion and friend, Dottie Grubb, was there as well, browsing. "Oh, yes, Poppy, I know," she said. She smirked, and lowered her voice, though Lilly could still hear every single word she uttered. "I heard he's missing a finger! Can you believe it?"

Poppy rolled her eyes. "Of course I can," she said. "That Frodo always was a strange lad, constantly reading a book and talking about Elves. Not at all right for a hobbit, if you ask me."

"Well, he never _was _particularly normal, Poppy," said Dottie, picking up miscellaneous items before putting them down again, slightly out of place. "Everyone knows that."

Everyone did _not_, thought Lilly. She glanced down at the clock. Only twenty more minutes before Da would let her leave. Could she bear it?

"He's always been slightly cracked," Poppy agreed. "But I heard that he's even more so now."

Dottie laughed. "_More_ cracked than before? Is that even possible?"

Lilly remembered the sadness in his eyes. She felt like she understood more now why that was. He couldn't be completely oblivious to the unkindness of the other hobbits and, for someone as sensitive as he seemed to be, it likely broke his heart. She cleared her throat noisily. "Can I help you with anything, Dottie?" she said politely. "Poppy?"

"No," said Poppy rudely. She whispered something to Dottie, and she laughed. Lilly had a feeling it was about her and she was the punch-line. Then they resumed their conversation like Lilly wasn't even there.

"Well, cracked or not," said Dottie decidedly. "I'd marry that hobbit. He has a pretty penny, you know, and so would his wife."

Poppy studied her friend thoughtfully. "I can just see you in Bag End, Dottie," she said, then giggled. "Can you imagine the_ clothes_ you'd have?"

"Yes," said Dottie dreamily. "I'd-…."

"Frodo's _not_ cracked." Lilly hadn't meant to interrupt them, but the words burst from her anyway.

They immediately stopped their conversation, and Dottie looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "Excuse me?" she said. "Did you say something?"

Dottie's tone made it obvious that whatever Lilly would say wasn't worth her time, but Lilly plunged on anyway. "Frodo's not cracked," she said again. "He's not. I think he's just lonely and sad, so it's terribly rude of you to say such. How would you like it if someone said that about you?"

Poppy and Dottie both said nothing for a minute, seemingly shocked that Lilly had spoke up to them. Lilly was somewhat shocked herself. She'd wanted to stand up to Dottie numerous times during grade school when she'd made these kinds of remarks, but she never had. She wondered that it was finally happening now. "Since when do_ you_ know anything about how Frodo feels?" said Dottie at last.

Dottie's clear implication was that Lilly knew nothing about him, and she resented it. Lilly wasn't the one prattling on about how he was "cracked." "Since I saw him a few days ago at Bag End," she said. "And-…."

"Why were_ you _at Bag End?" said Poppy disdainfully.

"My Mum sent him scones to welcome him back," said Lilly, her irritation increasing. "And that's something else. What have _you _all done to welcome him back, besides gossip that he's cracked, that is? Shouldn't you do something, since you are dead set on marrying him?"

Dottie and Poppy's expression was priceless, and both of their faces turned several shades of red. Then they exchanged a look, and Dottie glared. "I think I've had quite enough of this for one day, Poppy," said Dottie coldly. "Something in the air disagrees with me."

Poppy said something that sounded like agreement, and then they both stormed out of the store._ Goodbye to you too._ Lilly buried her face in her arms. She knew she should have kept her temper, but the way they'd talked about Frodo infuriated her. First Dottie insulted him, and then she said she'd marry him. It was incomprehensible.

Moments after they'd left, Da came in. "What was that about, Lilly?" he asked her. "Dottie and Poppy just left in a hurry. They looked rather angry."

"Nothing, Da," she muttered into her arms. "Just Dottie being Dottie."

Da wasn't any fonder of the Grubbs and Chubbs than she was. "Oh, now who did she insult this time?"

"Frodo Baggins," she said. "Apparently he's cracked and strange, along with missing a finger."

Da wouldn't be happy about that, Lilly was sure. He liked Frodo just as much as he disliked the Grubbs and Chubbs, and Lilly thought it was probably because they were fairly alike- both quiet, but with large and kind hearts. "Frodo's no more cracked than I am," he said, puzzled. "Why would they say such about him?"

Lilly pulled her head up to look at Da. "Because he's not like them," she said. "He seems different to them and so they label him as 'cracked' because they don't understand him."

Da studied her thoughtfully. "Do you?" he asked quietly.

Lilly didn't know how to respond to that. _That was the thing about Da_, she thought. He sometimes didn't say much, but when he did he usually made his words count. "I don't know if I do or not," she said honestly. "But….but I'd like to. It doesn't seem like there's many who even want to."

Da said nothing for a moment and Lilly fiddled with her hands. She hoped he wouldn't chide her about holding her tongue with customers. "Why was Dottie so angry, Lilly?"

She flushed. "I asked her what she'd done to welcome Frodo home besides gossip about him," she muttered.

Da stared at her, but then he started to laugh heartily. Lilly had expected him to be angry, but he was…..laughing?! "Da?" said Lilly.

He continued to laugh uncontrollably, though he finally managed to stop. He pulled her toward him and gave her a hug. "Oh, my dear lass," he said. "You have the spirit of your Mum."

Lilly returned the hug, though she still felt confused. "I thought you'd be angry, Da," she said.

He drew away to look at her. "I could never be angry at you for defending someone, though I would prefer it wasn't the expense of our customers," he said with a pointed look. Lilly flushed again. She knew that was Da's way of chiding her. "But Frodo is a very kind hobbit and I don't fault you for wanting to stand up for him."

"Really?" said Lilly in surprise.

"Of course," said Da. He let out a long sigh. "I too have noticed the snide remarks that many of the hobbits make, and I find it unbelievable. I don't think that hobbit has ever said an unkind word to any of them."

She tried to picture him saying an unkind word to anyone. She couldn't do it."No, I'm sure he hasn't," said Lilly softly. "Da, you know….I'm going to Bag End tomorrow."

"Are you really?"

She nodded. "He offered to teach me some Elvish."

A small twinkle appeared in Da's eyes. He knew how fascinated she was by them. "Did he indeed? Has those big blue eyes of Master Baggins settled themselves on my Lilly?"

Heat flooded to Lilly's face. "Don't be silly, Da," she said. "He just offered to be kind, I'm sure, because that's the kind of hobbit he is."

Da only laughed, as if he knew something she didn't. "Come on, my lovely Lilly," he said. "Let's go home."

XxXxXxXx

Dinner was just as wonderful as it usually was, but afterward Mum drew Lilly aside and talked to her quietly. She had something in her hand, but Lilly wasn't sure what it was.

"Lilly, Frodo came by this afternoon," she said. "He brought a note for you- both of us really."

Lilly couldn't hide her surprise."Truly?"

"Yes, here you are, Lilly." Mum handed her the note and she read it.

_November 6_

_Dear Mrs. Banks and Lilly,_

_Thank you very much for the scones. I appreciate it more than I can say, and I am touched by your thoughtfulness. The scones were the best that I have ever eaten, and I truly enjoyed them. I also enjoyed your visit, Lilly. I look forward to seeing you on Tuesday. _

_With much gratitude,_

_Frodo Baggins_

"He has perfectly lovely handwriting," said Lilly when she finished, only realizing later how silly that likely sounded. "It was nice of him of him to come by."

Mum's usual smile slipped a little. "It was. But he was so sad, Lilly," she said. "There's a deep melancholy about him that I don't remember from before."

Lilly had noticed that too, but it was solidified by what Mum said. Mum didn't miss much when it came to hobbits and their feelings. "Something happened to him on that journey of his, Mum," said Lilly. "I don't know what it was, but it wasn't something good, that much I know for sure."

"I think you're right, Lilly," said Mum. "He seems very lonely too, and I'm glad you're going over to Bag End tomorrow."

"I am too," said Lilly thoughtfully. At that moment, Lilly made up her mind that if there was any way she could help him, she would.

No matter what that might be.

* * *

AN: For you, ladyinblack! I hope you liked it. :)


	4. Mellon ten' Iorhael

_**Chapter 3-Mellon ten' Iorhael (A friend for Frodo)**_

The next day, Lilly thought she'd have a quiet morning before she went to Bag End, but it wasn't long before Mum came and asked her for a favor. She poltely asked if Lilly could draw something for her because Ginger's (their cat) kittens were old enough now to be given away. Lilly didn't like the sound of that, mostly because she knew it would make her sister, Daisy (who loved cats more than anything) truly unhappy. She doted on the kittens, petting and playing with them much of the time, but Lilly knew Mum was likely right that they couldn't keep six cats. There just wasn't room. So she went outside with her pad and pencil (where the kitties were during the day), and worked on the picture. She soon lost herself in her drawing, and she didn't even notice when Daisy came until she spoke to her.

"Oh, that's a beautiful drawing, Lilly!" said Daisy.

Her sister's voice pulled her out her drawing haze. She looked up slowly. "Daisy?"

"Yes, it's me," said Daisy. "I love it. The kittens look so cute that I want to take all of them home."

The compliment made Lilly smile. "Well, that's mainly the idea, Daisy," said Lilly. "You know Mum doesn't want us to keep all of Ginger's kittens."

Daisy's face grew forlorn, though it didn't surprise Lilly. No hobbit could love cats more than her sister. "I know," she said glumly. "But I wish that-…." She trailed off, a twinkle appearing in her eye.

Lilly was sure that meant she had some sort of idea that could potentially get her into trouble. "No, Daisy, I will not help you hide the kittens so Mum won't find them," she said gently. "I'm sorry, but I can't in good conscience do that."

Daisy merely laughed. "My dear sister, I wasn't thinking that though it's a grand idea if I actually thought you would go along with it," she said. "I was merely going to suggest that you give one to Frodo."

Lilly glanced from the adorable kittens to her sister. Out of all the hobbits she could give one to, giving one to him hadn't crossed her mind. She'd thought of her friends, like Rosie, Lena, and Estella, but not him. "Frodo?"

"Yes," said Daisy. "Why not? You said he seemed lonely. What's better than a furry cat? If we _have _to give them away, we might as well give them to hobbits we actually like."

Bag End had seemed terribly empty. Perhaps a kitty _would _help Frodo. But maybe he didn't like animals. "I agree," said Lilly. "But well….I'm not sure how much he likes cats."

Daisy waved a hand dismissively. "Who doesn't like cats? I'm sure he'll like one of the kittens."

Lilly sighed. Arguing with Daisy was both fruitless and frustrating. "All right, Daisy. Let's assume for a moment that I do give him a kitten. But which one?"

Daisy stared at the kittens, lost in thought. But then she smiled. "That one," she said. "The little gray one with the green eyes. I think she'd be perfect."

"She?" said Lilly with a smile. She'd thought Daisy would have picked a boy cat for him. "Why not one of the boy ones, Daisy?"

Daisy sighed and shook her head earnestly. "If you don't mind me saying so, Lilly, both Frodo and Bag End could use a girl's influence. So why should we give him a boy cat?"

Lilly couldn't hold back her laughter. Daisy's face was just too cute. "Oh, they do, do they?" she said with a chuckle.

"Yes," insisted Daisy. "And I think Frodo would be a much happier hobbit if he had a lass to love him."

Lilly giggled again. "Well, I heard Dottie Grubb would take the job."

Daisy made a face. "Oh, no, I would never sic Dottie on Frodo. He deserves so much better than her." Her eyes danced merrily. "I think_ you_ would be much more qualified for the job, Lilly."

"Me?!" said Lilly in surprise. Frodo and…_.her? _"Now, Daisy, don't let that imagination of yours run away with you. Frodo and I are_ friends_, if indeed we are anything." Daisy just raised an eyebrow, letting Lilly know she didn't believe a word of it. Lilly sighed, knowing that she wouldn't bother arguing with her sister. Instead, she said nothing and instead went back to her drawing.

After all, she had to finish it before she went to Bag End, and time was running out. But she had decided that she would bring the kitty. After all, she did say she'd do anything to help him.

Maybe a kitty-friend would.

XxXxXxXx

Frodo spent the morning quietly, but after luncheon he knew he should start preparing for Lilly's lesson. The problem was that he wasn't entirely sure what to do. He didn't often have guests, let alone female ones. But he still put the kettle on in case she wanted to have some tea. Everyone usually liked tea, didn't they? He thought they did. She'd had one last week. Did he have anything he could offer her to eat? He took a preliminary glance in his cupboards, but there wasn't much in there. So he scratched that idea. He supposed he'd have to make do with the tea.

So he walked back to the study and gathered up the books that he thought he'd like to use and put them on the table. He stared at them, and sighed. He wasn't sure that he would be a very good teacher, but for Lilly's sake he supposed he had to try. He remembered the Sindarin that Bilbo had taught him, but wouldn't explaining it to somebody else be different?

He soon heard a soft knock, and he hurried to open the door. It was probably Lilly.

Lilly_ did_ stand there, just as he thought, with a basket over her arm. "Mae govannen, Lilly," he said.

Her eyes lit up. She already looked so excited and he'd only said two words. "Oh, that's beautiful!" she said. "I assume that's an Elvish greeting?"

"Indeed," said Frodo. "It means well met."

"Oh, I see." She tried it out. "Mae govanenn, Frodo."

Her pronunciation was slightly off, but it was still fairly close. "Very good," he said. "Would you like to come in?"

She smiled and it was so bright and happy that he found himself smiling back. "Yes, I would love to," she said. "I have something for you, as a little thank you for teaching me."

A gift….for him? He immediately felt rather sorry that there wasn't anything to offer her in the kitchen. "Lilly, you know you don't have to do that," he said.

She only continued to smile. "I know," she said. "But really, Frodo, you'll do me a favor to take this particular gift off my hands."

As hard as he tried, he could not determine what she meant by that. What kind of present would she want to give away? "I'm sorry, I don't think I understand," he said. "But please, come in."

"Thank you," said Lilly. After taking her coat and hanging it up, he began to walk to the kitchen. "I put the kettle on in case you wanted some tea."

She was still smiling. He wondered idly what was making her so happy. He didn't think it could be possibly his presence. He wasn't particularly pleasant company, not now anyway. "That would be wonderful, Frodo," she said, sitting down and he did as well. "Thank you very much. But first would you like to see what is in the basket?"

He was still finding it difficult to believe she'd brought him something just because he was teaching her some Elvish. Hadn't the scones last week been enough? "Uh…yes, of course."

"Wonderful." She opened the basket, and said something softly. Then she took a small gray cat (more of a kitten really) of the basket and held it out to him.

He met her eyes. He didn't think he would have _ever _guessed that. "A...a cat?" That wasn't what he was expecting at all, but he couldn't help but be glad that if she was going to gift him with an animal that it wasn't a dog. He'd never been particularly fond of dogs, not even small ones.

"Yes. It was my little sister Daisy's idea since we need to give away some of our cat, Ginger's kittens," said Lilly. "She thought that you might be lonely up here and well….," She shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing is more comforting than a warm and furry cat, if you ask me."

He looked at the kitten's green eyes. Something about them did feel calming. How was that possible? "Thank you, Lilly," he said softly. "That is very thoughtful of you."

She blushed, her cheeks turning a pretty pink. "Oh, you're welcome," she said. "Here."

He gently took the cat from her, and put it on his lap. The little cat gave a small meow, but then it began to purr- a loud and soothing sound. He glanced at Lilly.

She was smiling, clearly pleased. "I think she likes you."

The warmth of the furry kitten did feel rather comforting somehow. Maybe Lilly was right."I… like _her_," he said. And he did. She seemed like a sweet little thing.

"I'm so glad," she said.

"Does she have a name?"

"Besides grey kitten?" said Lilly, laughing. "No. You can call her whatever you wish." She gave him a shy smile. "I hope….I hope she will be a friend for you, Frodo."

"Thank you, Lilly," he said again. "I think…" He gazed at the bundle of fur that had seemingly made a home on his lap. All of a sudden, a name for her came to his mind. "I think I'll call her Mellon."

"Mellon," Lilly repeated. "Is that Elvish too?"

"Yes, indeed it is," he said. "It means friend."

Lilly's smile widened. "I think that's wonderful, Frodo. It's a perfect name for her." She glanced over at the stove, and he remembered the kettle- and the tea he  
wanted to make for her. "Do you want a cup of tea, Frodo?"

"Yes, I would," he said. "But_ I _believe should be the one to do that for you."'

"Well, I suppose that's true," she said. "And I don't mean to insult your…." She coughed. "Uh…host-ness. But I just asked in case you didn't want to bump Mellon off your lap. She looks so comfortable, you see."

He looked down at the cat. She did seem fairly happy, her eyes were closed and he could hear her purring. He supposed that Lilly was right, but he could just put her on the floor. Somehow he didn't particularly want to do that. He didn't want to wake her up. He met Lilly's eyes again.

A smile spread across her face, and she looked awfully pleased about something. "I truly don't mind," she said. "Just remind me where the cups are and I'd be happy to pour one for both of us."

"All right," he said, giving in. He didn't want to, but nor did he want to push Mellon off. "But I won't let you do it again. I wouldn't be a very good gentlehobbit if I did."

She only laughed. "But of course, Frodo."

As Lilly prepared their cups of tea, she made chit-chatty remarks about the weather and how much she loved fall. He couldn't even remember if he liked fall or not, though he made the appropriate and polite responses. Hadn't he used to because it meant his birthday? But now….now October 6th wasn't ever far from his mind. Thank goodness it didn't come for about another year. But March would come before that…..

Lilly set the cup in front of him, but he didn't drink it. Instead, he fiddled with the handle, now lost in thought. Shadows of the past covered his mind with their darkness. March…. Would he feel ill on March 13th too? Without thinking about it, his hand reached for the Evenstar. _When the memory of the fear and the darkness troubles you, this will be bring you aid, _he thought. _Queen Arwen's promise._ Almost as soon as he touched it, he felt his mind clear. He breathed out deeply.

Suddenly he realized that Lilly was staring at him, concerned. Had she stopped talking and he hadn't even noticed it? Oh dear, he truly was an awful host. "I'm sorry, Lilly," he said. "Did you ask me something?" he asked, trying to sound pleasant.

The worry didn't leave her eyes. "Just if you'd like to start….," she said, slightly hesitant.

He remembered that he was supposed to teach her some Elvish. The books were even sitting right in front of him. "Right, of course," he said, making himself smile. "That sounds like a _splendid _idea." He sounded false, even to his own ears.

Yet Lilly said nothing about it. Instead, she paid attention as he opened the books, beginning with the same pages that Bilbo had with him. He tried to explain everything as well as he could, but he was lucky that Lilly had a good mind. Oh, there were times she asked many questions when she didn't seem to understand something and her pronunciation could improve.

Yet it wasn't long before his mind focused solely on helping her, and for a while at least, the dark thoughts were held at bay.

XxXxXxXx

Later that afternoon, after Lilly left and he'd gone to his study (along with Mellon. She didn't seem keen on him going anywhere without her), Sam came in as usual after he finished his gardening and handed Frodo the mail of the day. "Thank you, Sam," he said, sorting through it. One of envelopes caught his eye, mostly because it was so out of the ordinary. "Listen to this, Sam," he said. "'To Frodo Baggins- Cormacolindo, Lord Iorhael, Prince of the West, and Elf-friend- of Bag End.'" He shook his head. "Good heavens, Sam, what kind of address is that?"

"I couldn't say, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "But begging your pardon, sir, but if_ you_ don't deserve them titles, then no one does."

He sincerely doubted that- Sam deserved more titles than he ever did- but he wasn't about to argue. "Maybe it's from Aragorn," he said. "I don't know who'd ever use those names in the Shire." He carefully opened the envelope and read the letter inside. He glanced down at the signature. It was from Merry.

_November 4_

_Dearest Cousin Frodo,_

_How did you like that address? It was Pippin's idea; he thought it'd be nice for you since it seems you are sadly unheralded in your own country. I can hear you arguing all the way in Buckland, cousin, but it was no easy feat that you did._

Though Merry wasn't there, he still disagreed with him in his mind. _I really didn't do very much, Merry. Don't you remember that I_ failed_? That I claimed the Ring, nearly dooming us all? Why should everyone praise for failing? _Sam's _the true hero, not me._ He wouldn't ever forgot how Sam had carried him up the mountain and never given up. It was Sam who deserved admiration, not him.

_Anyway, I know any further praise of you will make you extremely uncomfortable so I'll stop. I'm mostly writing to tell you that Pippin and I will be Hobbiton for a few days, and we would love to see our favorite cousin- maybe have a pint at the Green Dragon for old time's sake. We should be in town around November 11._

The thought of Merry and Pippin coming for a visit brightened his spirits. No one could be sad for too long around them. Maybe they'd be just what he needed.

_I hope you are well. I don't know if you're aware, but we worry about you sometimes, Frodo, especially about your emotional well-being. _

He frowned. He didn't particularly like the sound of that. _You don't need to worry about me, Merry. I'll be all right._

_You're much too hard on yourself; you always were- and it doesn't help you. We are so very grateful that Sam is there to look after you and talk some sense into you when necessary. Don't isolate yourself up in Bag End with your books. You know that when you're alone too much, you think too much. While we're there, we're not going to let you think at all._

_We look forward to seeing you tremendously!_

_Much love to you, dear cousin._

_Merry _

_(And Pippin)_

He stared at the letter after he finished reading it, thinking. Merry- and even Pippin- seemed very concerned about him. He wondered idly if there was anything he could do to keep them from worrying so much.

"Who's it from, Mr. Frodo?" asked Sam.

Sam's voice reminded him that he wasn't alone reading the letter. "It's from Merry and Pippin, Sam," he said. "They're coming for a visit in a few days."

Sam smiled- and was that a hint of relief in his eyes? Relief that perhaps the burden that Frodo was sure he was would be lifted somewhat? "That's wonderful, sir," he said. "I'm sure they'll be able to boost your spirits." He gestured toward Mellon, who was sitting on the floor. "They can meet this new friend of yours, too." He gently stroked Mellon's head, who purred in response. "I didn't know you were such a cat-lover, Mr. Frodo."

"I wasn't," he said quickly. He decided that wasn't quite true. Mellon was already quite a special cat. "I mean, I don't know if I am or not, Sam. But Lilly gave me the cat as a gift, saying that I'd truly do her a favor if I took Mellon off her hands. So I couldn't refuse."

"Well, I think it's wonderful, Mr. Frodo," said Sam with a smile. "It's about time there's been somebody else in Bag End, since you've been so lonely."

That was the third person today who'd said something about him being lonely. First Lilly and Daisy, and now Sam. "Why is everyone so convinced that I'm lonely?" he muttered. "I_ like_ being alone."

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but shut it. Then he opened it again. "If you would come with me, Mr. Frodo, I'd like to show you something."

Frodo made the decision to follow Sam and they walked through Bag End until Sam found a small mirror. "What do you see?" said Sam.

He tried to really look at himself, not just glance. He saw a face that was worn and tired, and though his hair hid it well, there was a perpetual worried crease on his forehead. But it was the eyes that truly caught him. Filled with sorrow they were, and loss-unending loss- wariness, and yes, loneliness. He_ was_ lonely. Sam was a wonderful friend, but maybe he did need someone else to keep him company as well. But who would that be besides Mellon?

"Can you see it?" asked Sam.

"Yes, Sam," he said quietly. "I can see it."

"Good," said Sam, satisfied. "Begging your pardon, sir, but those eyes of yours don't hide very much."

"Is that so, Sam?" he said absently. His gaze was still fixed on the mirror. He looked terrible actually. He supposed it shouldn't surprise him that Sam constantly seemed worried.

"Yes," said Sam. "Windows to your heart, they are."

"Is that why you always say I'm not all right, Sam, even when I tell you I am?" he said.

Sam glanced at him like he was batty. No small wonder, that, since all the hobbits looked at him that way. But it was different having that face directed to him from Sam. "Of course, sir. How can I believe you when you look so clearly miserable?"

Suddenly he felt rather tired. He'd had this kind of conversation more times than he could count, and it went the same way each time: Sam would tell him he wasn't healthy in some shape or form (physical or mental) and he'd deny it, trying to keep Sam from fretting more than necessary. It didn't particularly work very well, mostly because Sam could be just as stubborn as any Baggins. "Sam," he said wearily. "Don't you know that sometimes I might not tell you everything I feel because I don't want you to worry more than you might already?"

Sam frowned and scratched his head. "Well, begging your pardon, Mr. Frodo, sir," he said. "But that's rather silly of you. I always worry about you more when you're _not_ talking to me. It means you're too far in that head of yours, and no mistake." He nodded his head, clearly pleased with his thought. "Yes. It was when you _stopped_ talking in Mordor, that's when I knew the Ring was close to claiming you."

Claiming him. What an_….interesting_ way to think of the catastrophe that was Mount Doom. As if a Ring could claim a person. Wasn't it that the person had to claim the Ring? Even though the Ring had seemed near-sentient, it was still a thing. Wasn't it? "I believe_ I_ was the one who claimed it, Sam," he said sadly. "That was the nature of the Ring, you know."

"Well, no, sir," said Sam frankly. "I'm afraid I don't. Under that devilish Ring's influence, you weren't yourself. It was that Dark Lord using you for his own ends."

Sam had always believed the Ring had made him someone else, but that wasn't true. He'd always thought it had found the bad in him and merely brought it to the surface. "Sam…," he began.

"No, sir," interrupted Sam. "I won't listen to any nonsense about you 'failing,' do you hear me? So don't you even try to tell me that's what happened. I was there too, you know."

He didn't want to argue with Sam, and that was all that kept him from expressing his disagreement. But Sam was wrong. He _had _failed. It was only a lucky happenstance that the Ring was destroyed. If it hadn't been for Gollum, who knows what would have happened. "I hear you, Sam," he said softly.

Sam nodded, apparently pleased. "Good," he said. "Because no one thinks you failed except you. Mr. Gandalf even told me that it was unlikely that you'd be able to resist it forever- just as long as you could. And that turned out to be pretty long, now didn't it? You got it all the way to Mount Doom."

He knew that Sam's words were intended to help him, but all he felt was sick. He was only supposed to resist as long as he _could_? Did that mean that nobody had ever thought he'd be able to destroy it? "Gandalf said that to you?" he choked out. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, indeed, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "I remember it clearly but-…." Sam began to stare at him, worried. "Are you all right, sir? You've gone pale."

His legs felt weak. "I think I need to sit down, Sam." He slumped into the nearest chair, his head falling into his hand. In the back of his mind, he was conscious of Sam's hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, sir," said Sam mournfully. "I thought you knew that."

"No, Sam, I didn't know," he said. "Gandalf….never told _me _that." Why hadn't Gandalf ever said that to him? Didn't he, of all hobbits, need to hear it?

"Maybe he thought you already knew that," said Sam.

Nobody had ever said that his duty was only to resist it as long as he could. He'd thought it was his duty to destroy it. He still did. No one had ever said anything to the contrary- until now, that is. And he couldn't help but feel rather aggravated that they hadn't."How could I have _possibly_ known that, Sam?" His voice sounded sharp, even to his own ears, and Sam flinched. His constant smile disappeared.

Guilt immediately welled up in him. He knew better than to take his frustration out on Sam, his dear friend. "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to snap at you."

Sam patted his shoulder and his smile came back. "It's all right, Mr. Frodo," he said kindly. "I can tell this is a shock to you."

"I don't even know what to think about this," he muttered. His head felt like a thousand orcs were stamping on it. It was painful, to say the least.

"I understand," said Sam. "But I do. Do you want to hear it?"

Sam would probably tell him even if he said no. "All right, Sam. What do you think?"

"No matter what Mr. Gandalf said or didn't say," said Sam firmly. "You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I don't believe _anybody _could have destroyed that Ring, and no mistake."

"But I was_ supposed _to," he said.

Sam shook his head vigorously. "Begging your pardon, sir, but I don't remember ever hearing you pledge to do that. You said at the Council you'd take it to Mordor, and you certainly did that."

Sam was right about that, though he was entirely wrong about the rest of it. "I think it was assumed that I'd throw it in the fire," he said.

Sam looked mildly irritated. "Well, you know what they say about assuming things."

"No, what do they say?"

"You shouldn't," said Sam bluntly. "And I think you'd be a lot happy today if you hadn't put that on yourself. It's destroyed, and that's all that really matters."

Sam was kind to say all this, but his head was thudding. "Sam, I don't think I can talk about this anymore. I'm sorry." He tried rubbing his head, but the ache didn't go away. He pressed his eyes shut.

"It's all right, Mr. Frodo," he heard Sam say. "Maybe I should have stopped talking about it sooner." Sam touched his shoulder again. "Do you need anything, sir? You look positively ill."

He did feel wretched now, but he knew Sam planned to see Rosie tonight. He wouldn't deny Sam the pleasure of seeing her to take care of his sick friend. Hadn't Sam done that enough already? He made himself open his eyes and smile at Sam. "I'm all right, Sam. You go ahead and see Rosie. Tell her I said hello."

Sam's whole face lit up at the mention of Rosie. "I will, sir. Are you sure you'll be all right by yourself?"

"Yes, Sam," he said patiently. "I'll be fine. I'll have a nice, quiet evening."

"Well, if you're sure, Mr. Frodo," said Sam.

"Quite," said Frodo. "Please, Sam. Have a nice evening with Rosie, and I'll see you tomorrow." _Hopefully sans the headache. _

"All right," said Sam. He began to head for the door. "Good night, Mr. Frodo."

"Good night, Sam." Almost as soon as Sam left, Frodo made himself a hot cup of tea and drank it slowly. He decided not to think about anything Sam had said because that was sure to bring the headache back. Yet the tea took the edge off, and he felt better enough to read. After a while, he grew tired and so he retreated to bed. It was earlier than he usually retired, but he didn't see much point in staying awake longer.

He changed and crawled into bed, hoping he'd feel better tomorrow. Yet he couldn't sleep. Despite all his efforts, Sam's words repeated themselves over and over in his mind. _Mr. Gandalf even told me that it was unlikely that you'd be able to resist it forever- just as long as you could._ If Gandalf had truly thought that, why hadn't he ever said it? The more he mulled it over, the more the ache in his head threatened to come back.

Eventually, he felt something press against his back. Could it be Mellon? He turned over, only to find something furry nudge at his hand. Obligingly, he stroked her head and she began to purr loudly. "Did you want to keep me company?" Mellon only purred louder. "Well, I suppose you can stay then. Mara lomë, Mellon."

The warmth of the kitten seemed rather reassuring somehow and he finally managed to push all his turmoil to the back of his mind. As he dozed off, he noted to himself that Lilly was right. There _was _indeed something comforting about cats.

* * *

AN: Thank you to those of you have reviewed!

Ladyinblack- I hope you liked this one as much as the last one ;)


	5. A Conspiracy Formed

AN: Truly did not intend for this chapter to be so long. However, this is what Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam told me to write, and I have to do as they say :)

Thank you to those who read, and thank you as always to ladyinblack for her support of this story.

* * *

**Chapter 4- A Conspiracy Formed**

_"'But it does not seem that I can trust anyone,' said Frodo. _

_Sam looked at him unhappily. 'It all depends on what you want,' put in Merry. 'You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin- to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours-closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo.' "_

_-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, "A Conspiracy Unmasked_"

Over the next few days, Frodo did his best to prepare the hole for Merry and Pippin's arrival. He cleaned the house and readied their rooms as usual. He also took his walks, and tried not to "brood" as Sam called it (though he still didn't see how thinking was necessarily brooding). The day before they arrived, however, he realized that he had absolutely no food in his kitchen that would be suitable for them. Well, that wouldn't do at all, he thought. Yet it wasn't too surprising really. It wasn't as if he'd been particularly eating much lately. Sam would say it was because he was too busy brooding to eat, and it "ain't right for a hobbit at all." Dear old Sam.

Merry and Pippin wouldn't be too busy thinking to eat in any event, so he walked to Bywater to buy some more food (or lots). He realized as he grew close to the village that he was going to Lilly's family's store, and he wondered idly if she'd be there.

As he opened the door, he could see that Lilly _was _indeed there, standing behind the counter. She immediately smiled when she saw him. "Well, hello, Frodo," she said. "What can I do for you today?"

He walked up to the counter, giving her a small smile. "Hello, Lilly," he said. "I need food- and lots of it."

She nodded slightly. "Expecting company, are you?"

"Indeed," he answered. "My cousins Merry and Pippin. They're coming to visit for a few days."

Her smile widened. "That's wonderful, Frodo," she said. "I'm so happy for you."

He could tell by her voice the true sincerity in her words. "Thank you, Lilly," he said. "I'm…. excited about it. I think Sam is relieved too."

She cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Sam is…._relieved_?"

Oh, dear. He probably shouldn't have let that slip out. Telling her that Sam was relieved was sure to prompt questions he wasn't sure he wanted to answer. However, he didn't see how he could go backward now. "Well, you know Sam," he said, attempting to make light of the situation. "He worries."

"Indeed, Sam_ does_ worry," Lilly said. For a moment he thought she had accepted his explanation, but then she continued. "But I don't think he worries for no reason. There must be something- either in your appearance or your behavior- that raises his concern." She studied him, and he felt as though she could see beyond the surface, straight to his heart. It was vaguely uncomfortable, to say the least. "I have to tell you that both my Mum and I have both noticed that you seem rather sad as of late. And if we've noticed it, I'm sure that Sam has too."

He didn't even know how to respond to that. Lilly was a perfectly kind hobbit, but he couldn't tell her the whole story. Not here at the store, not now. "Lilly, all I can say that the journey was extremely difficult for me," he said quietly.

The depth of sympathy in her eyes shocked him. Her face and eyes looked like she could cry at any moment-cry for him!- and it was quite unexpected after the callous attitude of the other hobbits. "I know," she said sadly. "I can tell. I'm so sorry, Frodo. "

He couldn't find words to say. A simple thank you didn't go far enough to express how much he appreciated her empathy, but he said it anyway. "Thank you, Lilly, that's kind of you. I-….." He noticed that another hobbit had entered, and he stopped talking even though she had gone to the other side of the store.

Lilly noticed and changed the subject casually. "So, what kinds of things were you looking for today?"

He went through his mental list. "Well, I was thinking of two loaves of bread, lots of cheese, bacon, chicken, flour, ham, potatoes, eggs, coffee, tea,…."

Lilly began to laugh. "So pretty much everything?"

He shrugged, thinking of his empty cupboards. He hadn't been eating much as of late. He supposed he had let his food supply run low. "I suppose so," he said. "I should probably buy some more pipe-weed too."

"Of course," said Lilly. She walked out from behind the counter, and began to place the things he asked for there. It soon began a large pile and she placed them all in boxes. "Now, how would you wish to pay today?" she asked.

He realized he hadn't brought any money. That was rather foolish of him. "I suppose I'll have to put it on my account."

Lilly took out a large book and scribbled something in it. "That's fine," she said. "We'll send a bill in the next few days. And would you like me to help you carry them to Bag End?"

He  
stared at the two very large boxes. It would be difficult to carry them himself. "I don't want to inconvenience you."

She smiled. She looked…._pretty_ when she smiled, and her green eyes shone. Oh dear, now why was he thinking that? "I don't mind at all. Just let me ask my Da if he can watch the counter for a while." Before he could say no, she had left the room. He sighed. He appreciated her help, but he felt like he should have declined. Wasn't that the more gentlehobbit thing to do? He didn't even know anymore.

Lilly came back, a smile still on her face. "Da said he didn't mind at all," she said as she took one of the boxes. "Are you ready?"

He took the other box. "Yes, I think so."

As they walked toward his home, she made pleasant conversation. "So, what do you think you will do with Merry and Pippin while they are here?" she asked.

"I suppose we will do the usual things," he said, remembering the times that they had visited before. "Talk, smoke our pipes, eat, maybe have a pint at the Green Dragon."

"That sounds wonderful. I'm sure you'll have a grand time," said Lilly. "But then I don't know how you couldn't have fun with them. They're so…_.happy_ all the time."

That was certainly true, though Frodo could remember times when they weren't- particularly after Gandalf fell. But he said nothing about that. "Indeed," he said as they neared Bag End. Sam wasn't there, but he had told him yesterday that he was would come later. He opened the door first, then held it open for Lilly. "Well, thank you, Frodo," she said, smiling.

He managed to smile back, though he wondered how it was possible for one person to smile so much. Didn't she ever grow tired of it? They walked to the kitchen, and they both put the boxes on the table. "Thank you, Lilly," he said. "I appreciate your help."

"You're very welcome," she answered. "Do you want me to help you put anything away?"

He felt like he'd taken advantage of her kindness long enough. "No, that's all right," he said. "I'll be fine."

"Oh, all right," she said, though her smile faded somewhat. "I suppose I'll see you on Tuesday, then?"

Merry and Pippin would be here then, but somehow he didn't want to tell her no. Surely they could handle themselves for a few hours. "Yes, indeed. I'll be looking forward to it."

"I will too," she said. She headed for the door, but hesitated. "Is Mellon all right?" she said.

He smiled faintly, thinking about his new little friend. Since the day Lilly had given Mellon to him, she hadn't left his side for more than a few moments. She was a constant comforting presence in Bag End. "She's wonderful. Thank you so much, Lilly."

"You're welcome," said Lilly. "Have a grand time with Merry and Pippin."

Once Lilly had gone, he began to put away the groceries, thinking that he couldn't remember the last time his cupboards had been this full. But she had barely left when Sam found him. "Why was Lilly here, Mr. Frodo?" asked Sam in curiosity.

"Hello to you too, Sam," said Frodo. Leave it to Sam to ask a question like that without any introduction! "She was here because, as you can see, I was out buying food for Merry and Pippin's visit. It turned out to be a lot and so she assisted me in carrying it all back here."

Sam's eyebrows went up- way up. For the life of him, Frodo couldn't figure out why that was. Lilly was just trying to be helpful, he was sure. "Did she, now," said Sam, clearly surprised. "That was nice of her."

"It was," he said, remembering how compassionate she'd been about his journey. "But I think….I think she's just a kind hobbit, Sam."

"Indeed she is, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "Did you happen to tell her that Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin are coming?"

"Of course, Sam," he said. "But I decided that I would still teach her on Tuesday."

Sam's eyebrows went up again. Curious. What could possibly be prompting that? "Did you? You know you didn't have to do that, not when you have company."

"I know I don't," he said. "But I decided to anyway. She seemed to have such a good time; I didn't want to tell her she couldn't come."

Sam suddenly smiled, and he finally looked pleased. "Well, I think that's splendid, Mr. Frodo."

He had the sense that Sam was holding something back, but he decided to not press him on it.

After all, he still had many other things to do before his guests came. Sam's strange behavior would have to wait until another time.

XxXxXxXx

The next afternoon, Frodo had just settled in his study with a book in his hand and Mellon on his lap when he heard a sudden knock on the door. He felt a small thrill of excitement, because who else could it be but his cousins? It would surely be grand to see them again.

When he opened the door, Merry and Pippin indeed stood there, leaning against each other with valises at their feet. As soon as they saw him, they both broke out in large smiles. "Hullo, Master Baggins!" crowed Pippin.

It didn't take him long to guess that they both had visited the Green Dragon already. Otherwise, Pippin would never call him Master Baggins. Nobody ever called him that. Well, some things, he supposed, never changed. Certainly not his cousins' fondness for ale. "Pippin, have you been drinking?"

"A bit," he said cheerfully. "Master Meriadoc and I dropped in at the Green Dragon for a pint. Didn't we now, Master Meriadoc?" He smiled at Merry, and draped his arm around his shoulders.

Merry grinned. "Yes, indeed, Master Peregrin," he said. "Would you like one too, Cousin Frodo?"

He opened the door wider_. Good heavens_, he thought. Somehow he'd thought their shenanigans would start later. "No, I'd like you two to come in, if you please."

"Well, if the Master says to come in, then we jolly will," said Pippin.

Master. For a moment, Pippin's jolly face was replaced by the more frightening one of Gollum. Gollum standing at his feet, reaching for the Ring….promising to serve the 'Master of the Precious.' Pitiful one minute, violent the next….. And then he lead him to what could have been his death by Shelob.

_Master. _He would never think of that word the same way again. He slowly blinked, and there was Pippin again, confusion in his eyes. "Merry, what's he doing?" he whispered to Merry.

"I'm all right, Pippin. Don't worry," he said finally, attempting to sound somewhat normal. "Just don't call me that, please."

Both Merry's and Pippin's faces both grew serious as quickly as if he'd thrown water over their heads. "Yes, of course, Frodo," said Pippin, now somber. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you, Pippin," he said. "Why don't you come in?"

They both did, though they were soon met by his new kitty. Mellon must have heard the commotion and decided to investigate. She studied the visitors in her own kitty way, though she did not seem scared of them at all. Somehow she must know that they were friends.

Yet Merry and Pippin seemed surprised at her presence. "And who is this?" said Merry. "Did you find a furry friend, Frodo?"

He smiled- and it was even genuine. "Yes, indeed, this is Mellon."

Merry crouched down and stroked Mellon's head. She rubbed her face against his hand and purred. Merry looked up at him, and smiled. "She's so friendly, Frodo," he said. "I'm glad you have her here. I'd think you'd be lonely without her."

Of course Merry would think that he was lonely as well. Merry always could see through him, much in the same way that Sam could. "Hmmm," he said, which essentially told them nothing. "I prepared your usual rooms, just like I…I used to." _Though nothing was at all the same, me least of all, _he thought.

"Thank you, Frodo," said Merry. "I think Pippin and I will go put our things in them, don't you think so, Pip?"

Pippin glanced at Merry. "But I thought we were-…." Merry nudged Pippin subtly, but it did not escape his notice. Pippin shut his mouth. "Yes, of course."

"Thank you very much for having us, Frodo," said Merry.

"Of course, Merry," he said, smiling slightly. "Anytime. I hope you know that."

"We do," said Pippin. "Thank you."

Merry and Pippin left for their rooms, but he went to his study. Something told him there would be less quiet while they were here, and he wanted to have it while he could. Regardless, he was glad they were here. Maybe they'd be able to cheer him like they used to.

XxXxXxXxXx

The next day was spent pleasantly- a combination of talking, eating, and smoking their pipes. Frodo found that in the company of his closest friends he felt slightly better, though he knew he was not as he was. And he realized that more and more throughout the day when some of their jokes did not make him laugh as they might have in the past. After they'd eaten supper, Pippin suggested that they go to the Green Dragon, and they all agreed.

But it was ironic that Pippin had suggested it, considering almost as soon as they had sat down- Sam across from Frodo, Pippin across from Merry- and had cheered each other that Pippin saw Diamond of Long Cleeve. She was a lass that he'd thought was pretty for a long time, and so he'd quickly rose and gone off to flirt with her in his own Pippin way. He, Sam, and Merry exchanged amused glances, and talked quietly amongst themselves. After a while, he found that his mug was empty and so he went up to get another one. As he walked back, he could hear Merry and Sam talking about him quietly. He stopped, listening.

"Sam, how long has he been like this?" asked Merry.

"Almost as long as Mr. Frodo's been home," said Sam.

"Are you serious?" said Merry, clearly surprised.

"Indeed," said Sam. "He's been sad, melancholy….he barely leaves Bag End." He shook his head. "He says it's because of the hobbits. They're not that friendly to him, you see. He doesn't really see anyone except for Lilly Banks, and that's only because he's teaching her Elvish. She comes on Tuesdays for a bit."

"Teaching her Elvish or not, I'm glad that Frodo has someone who regularly sees him," said Merry thoughtfully. "She's also a pretty and kind lass. Do you think….?" Merry purposefully let his voice fade.

"I don't know," said Sam. "You know how Mr. Frodo is about that kind of thing. He likely wouldn't even entertain the thought of it."

_You're right about that, Sam, _he thought. He wouldn't, especially since it hadn't crossed his mind.

"But it would be nice, wouldn't it?" continued Sam wistfully. "I think the love of a good lass would do wonders for him."

"It would," agreed Merry. "But what about Lilly? Do you think she could care for him?"

"Between you and me, Mr. Merry," said Sam in a lower voice. "I think Lilly is-…."

Frodo couldn't catch the rest of it, but Merry sounded pleased. "Truly, Sam?"

He decided that he had enough of this. He came back to the table where Sam and Merry had continued their conversation quietly. He set his cup on the table and sat down. "Hello, friends!" he said with false brightness.

Sam and Merry met his eyes, both looking slightly guilty- and their attempts to hide it were not lost on him. "Hullo, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "Did you get your cup of ale?"

"Yes, indeed, Sam," he said carefully. "Did you and Merry have a _nice_ talk?" He emphasized the word, though he wasn't sure if they knew he'd heard some of what they'd said.

"Of course we did," said Merry.

The three of them grew quiet as they took sips of their ale. They used to do that before, just enjoying each other's company, but he couldn't help but feel that nothing was the same. Even the ale didn't taste as sweet as it used to. But maybe it was just him. Maybe Pippin, Merry, and Sam thought it did.

Merry broke the silence. "Looks like Pippin's still at it," he said, gesturing toward the counter. Pippin was still there, flirting with Diamond. She was smiling at him, somewhat coyly.

"He is," said Sam. "But it doesn't seem like she minds too much."

Merry drank some of his ale. "It's too bad that Rosie isn't working tonight, Sam," he said. "I'm sure you'd like to be with her too."

Sam blushed a little. "Well, it's too bad that _Estella_ couldn't be here, either," he said, referencing the hobbit lass that Merry had his eye on for years.

While Sam and Merry talked about their lasses, he couldn't help but lose himself in thought. He didn't notice that Sam had addressed him until he'd said Mr. Frodo two times. "I'm sorry, did you say something, Sam?"

"Mr. Merry and I wondered with all our talk of lasses if you'd like one too," said Sam.

"A lass for me?" he said.

"Yes, a lass for you," said Sam. "A wife for Master Baggins and a mistress of Bag End."

He laughed, almost choking on his ale. He couldn't help it. He would _never_ be able to picture him with anyone, not now, not after everything that had happened to him. "Oh, Sam. Please."

"It's a fair question, Frodo," said Merry seriously. "Now that you're back you _could_ settle down and marry if you wanted to. You don't have to be a bachelor like Bilbo."

"Not you too, Merry!" he said in dismay. He'd thought that maybe Merry would be on his side. "Come now. Give a poor hobbit some peace."

"Just indulge us for a moment, Frodo," said Merry. "Let's say you do want to settle down. What would that dream lass of yours be like?"

Briefly- and inexplicably- Lilly's face flashed in his mind. But he'd never admit that out aloud. "Oh, I don't know," he muttered.

"Yes, you do, sir," said Sam. "I'm sure you do."

He soon knew that the only way to stop their pestering was to answer their question. So he decided to fabricate a response. "Well, pretty, I suppose," he said, figuring that would be a standard answer. _Like Lilly, _his mind said. He ignored it. "Intelligent, kind, caring…." _Like Lilly. _Be quiet, he told his head."Someone who I can talk to and who likes similar things. Someone who isn't concerned with only the superficial." That alone eliminated a vast majority of the lasses in the Shire! "A lass who somehow understands what happened on the quest, and loves me anyway." Oh, dear. The truth about that was none of it was false at all. He was a terrible liar indeed.

And from the pleased looks on Merry's and Sam's faces, they knew it too. He had a sudden urge to down the rest of his ale. He hadn't intended to be so honest with his answer, and there was something quite unnerving about having all those thoughts spoken aloud. "Happy?" he asked when he finished.

"Quite," said Sam. "Now all we need do is find her, don't you think, Mr. Merry?"

Merry nodded, smiling. "Yes, I do. And soon they'll be little hobbits running around Bag End with big blue eyes."

He let out a groan and buried his face in his hands. They wouldn't let it rest, would they? "You two," he mumbled. He picked up his empty cup and stood up. "I think I need another ale. Maybe by the time I come back, you'll finish naming all those imaginary children of mine."

As he walked, he could hear them continue to talk- this time about what the first boy would be called. Clearly, they were not done with their fun. Sam thought it'd be Bilbo, while Merry was sure it'd be Sam. Humble Sam denied it, but he thought that Merry was right. If he did ever have a boy, he _would_ name him Sam after his dearest friend. But he soon decided that although their meddling was annoying, he somehow welcomed it at the same time. They obviously believed he could have a happy future in Shire. For a moment- just a moment- he could believe it too.

XxXxXxX

The following morning, after their night at the Green Dragon, Merry Brandybuck lay in his bed at his cousin Frodo's hole, staring at the ceiling. That was no small miracle, since often he'd have a headache and _couldn't_ think because he had more ales than any of the other hobbits (excluding Pippin, of course. Pippin always had the most without fail). But that wasn't his honor this time. No, that was entirely Frodo's. It still bewildered Merry, even the next morning. Usually Frodo controlled himself pretty well, but yesterday he'd had three. Merry could only remember a few times that he'd had that much- and one of which had been shortly before the anniversary of his parents' death. He couldn't blame him there; anyone might be tempted to do the same. Yet he could find no reason for last night.

Something was wrong with him, Merry knew it for sure. There was the whole debacle at the Green Dragon where Frodo had taken their joking about lasses almost as a personal affront (which wasn't much like him. Before, Merry thought he'd just laugh off their harmless teasing), but his concern had been aroused before that. From the moment he and Pip had come, he'd thought that his cousin was ailing. When Frodo had answered the door, he'd been much too pale and thin. Wan he'd been, and haggard. And he'd never forget the look in his eyes when Pippin had jokingly called him Master. It was a combination of distress, anxiety, guilt, and fear- like the very word reminded him of a nightmare. It probably did and perhaps that was why he'd seemed completely unaware of their presence for a moment. But Merry didn't like seeing him afraid.

Something had to be done, and it had to be now, before any more time had passed. He pulled himself out of bed, leaving his room in search of Sam since Pip likely wouldn't stir for a while. Hopefully, with any amount of luck, Frodo would be occupied elsewhere. He soon found Sam in the kitchen, sitting by himself, drinking a cup of tea, with Mellon sleeping by his side. No Frodo was in sight.

"Good morrow, Sam," he said.

Sam smiled. "Good morrow, Mr. Merry. Would you like a cup of tea? Mr. Frodo put the kettle on before he went on a walk. "

Frodo off on a walk was more than he could have hoped. He could be on one of those for quite some time, though it was growing cold. So he possibly had less than an hour to talk to the other two hobbits. He walked over the stove, and poured himself a cup. "Good, because it's just_ you_ I want to talk to, Sam."

"About Mr. Frodo," said Sam simply.

"Yes, Sam," said Merry. "He's…..well, there's something wrong with him. We need to do something."

Sam's eyes flickered with frustration and he sighed. "Don't you think I've tried, Mr. Merry? He won't listen to anything I tell him. He hears it, but it won't get through that stubborn Baggins head of his. I've told him many times that he shouldn't feel guilty about claiming the Ring, since it claimed _him_, but he just won't believe it." Sam stared dejectedly at the table. "I don't know what else to do," he said softly.

Merry had compassion on Sam and he touched his shoulder gently. "It's not your fault, Sam," said Merry. "It's not. I know you've done all you could, and maybe it's time that Pip and I help you. And I have an idea."

Sam looked up at Merry hopefully. "What's that, Mr. Merry?"

"The three of us need to talk to him when he returns," he said. "Maybe the three of us together will cause him to tell us what he truly feels."

"Maybe," said Sam. "I suppose it couldn't hurt. But we'd need to talk to Mr. Pippin."

"Yes, of course, Sam," he said. "Let's go talk to him now."

The two of them quickly finished their tea, and walked to Pippin's room. Unsurprisingly, there was not a hint of noise coming from it, but Merry knocked anyway. They didn't have much time before Frodo would return."Pip?"

He heard a groan. "Give me a minute."

Sam and Merry waited patiently, and then Pippin opened the door, looking rather tired, but still fully dressed. "Merry? Sam? What is it?"

"We want to talk about Frodo, Pip," said Merry.

Pippin promptly lost his tired expression. Instead, his eyes filled with worry and sadness. It was then that Merry knew Pippin had noticed Frodo's melancholy too. "Why don't you come in," he said.

Merry went in first, and Sam followed. Pippin shut the door behind them. "Is Frodo around?" he asked, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"No, Mr. Pippin," said Sam. "Mr. Frodo's gone off on his walk."

Pippin looked relieved. "Splendid," he said. He slumped against the wall. "He looks absolutely terrible, doesn't he?" he said softly. "Sam, has he been like this since we saw him last?"

"I'm sorry to say that he has, Mr. Pippin," said Sam. "He's been broodin' for weeks, and no mistake. I've tried to help him out of it, but it's as if he's lost in that head of his."

"He tends to do that, doesn't he?" mused Pippin. "And I'm sure it's worse after the quest." For a moment he said nothing, but then he stood up straight. "Well, what do you two think? Is it time for us to form a conspiracy?"

Merry laughed in delight, pleased that Pippin had settled on his very idea. "That's it exactly, Pip," he said. "Though I'm not sure if 'conspiracy' is the right word."

Pippin shrugged. "Maybe not, but it does seem like we're forming some kind of secret plan. And I am certain you have something in mind, don't you, Merry?"

"Yes, I do," said Merry. "When Frodo returns from his walk, Sam and I were thinking we could ask him to talk about why he's so sad. Perhaps the combination of all three of us together will have more….weight than individually."

Pippin nodded. "That's a grand idea, Merry. But what will we do if he _won't_ talk?"

"Then we'll have to form another plan," said Merry. "I hope he will though. He should know we're only trying to help."

Suddenly they heard the loud creak of the door and looked at one another. "Mr. Frodo's back," said Sam.

"Yes, he is," said Merry. "Time for the conspiracy, as Pippin would say."

Yet as they walked to the front of Bag End, Merry couldn't help but think that it didn't matter much what they called their plan.

What really mattered was that they were somehow able to help Frodo.

XxXxXxXx

As Frodo walked on Bagshot Row toward Bag End, he couldn't help but think he'd enjoyed his walk even though it was growing fairly cold. He'd gone to the woods this time, and it had been wonderful to have some quiet time to himself- to think and ponder the previous day. As much as he loved Merry and Pippin, they weren't particularly calm. But he hoped they were enjoying their visit.

When he arrived home, though, he saw Merry, Pippin, and Sam lined up in front of him seriously, like….well, almost like soldiers. His serene mood quickly vanished. The three of them standing how they were could only mean one thing. "All right, you all. Should I brace myself for an interrogation?"

"This isn't an interrogation or a confrontation, Frodo," said Merry, clearly the leader. "We're just here to talk to you, because we're concerned about you."

He shrugged, pretending to look casual. "I'm all right, Merry."

Sam shook his head, but Pippin looked as though he wanted to cry. Merry's face remained the same. "Frodo, I know you might think you are, but we can tell that you're not," said Merry. You're hurting, and that makes us hurt too."

"Merry-…"

It was Merry who shook his head now. "No, Frodo," he said, firmly but still gently. "No more excuses. Please. We know you're sad about something, yet you haven't explained why. I'm not sure if I understand that, because you should know that we won't let you face anything alone. We're your friends. If you can't talk to us about how you're feeling, then who can you talk to?"

He slumped into a chair, his hand reaching for the Evenstar. "I don't even know where to start," he muttered.

"How about with the truth?" said Merry quietly.

The truth. How could he possibly tell them that? How could he tell them about the darkness he battled every day? How could he tell them that his shoulder still pained him sometimes? "I'm not sure if-…."

Unexpectedly it was Pippin who spoke up. "Please, Frodo, dear cousin. Please talk to us," he pleaded.

Well, he couldn't very well say no to Pippin. Not when he sounded like that. "I suppose I've been better." That was a slight understatement.

The three of them exchanged glances, and then their responses came, one after another. "We thought as much," said Merry. "I'm so sorry, Frodo."

"You know I'm sure sorry too, Mr. Frodo," added Sam. "I've had to watch you suffer day by day and it….well, it breaks my heart, sir."

"You look so sad, Frodo," said Pippin in an unexpectedly quiet tone. "I hope you know that we'd do anything to help you."

Frodo couldn't find words. Their outpouring of support and consideration overwhelmed him. "I…I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll let us in, Frodo," said Merry. "Let us help you."

Sorrow welled up in him. As much as they wanted to- and he could tell by their faces that they did- he wasn't sure how they could help. The memory of the past was something he had to bear by himself. "I don't know if you can," he said dejectedly. "This burden is one that I alone must carry."

Pippin's face grew sad, and so did Merry's. But Sam's eyes flashed with what he could only describe as anger. "That's bloody rubbish, Mr. Frodo, sir," he said bluntly. "And make no mistake. We want to help you, and I'm sure we could if you'd only let us."

Sam still seemed to think that he could somehow banish his experience with the Ring from his mind. _The Ring's gone, Mr. Frodo. Don't you remember?_ He'd said on many occasions.

Of course he remembered. But the memories weren't. Didn't Sam understand that? Some things didn't go away just because the journey had ended, not the least of which was emotional and physical scars. "And how can you help me, Sam?" he said. "Can you somehow heal my wounds? Ease my guilt? Stop the nightmares?" He shook his head. "You can't, Sam. You just…_can't._ You can't always save me. So what is the use in acting like you can?"

"That's only because you won't forgive yourself for what happened," said Sam hotly. "You'd feel a lot better if you did."

Forgive himself. Was Sam _mad_? How could he ever forgive himself for nearly dooming them all? What he did was unforgiveable. "I can't do that, Sam," he said sadly. "I'm sorry, but I can't. And I can't talk about this anymore either. Please excuse me."

He knew he should be more polite, but he truly could not stand to discuss this. He left the room without another word, but not before he heard Sam mumble. "Well, sure and I bungled that."

"Don't blame yourself, Sam." Merry spoke now, gently. "You did what you could. Maybe one day he'll see the truth."

Maybe, he thought. But he couldn't help but feel that day was a long way off.

He couldn't expect anyone to possibly forgive him for what he did. He couldn't, not when it was impossible to forgive himself.


	6. A Detour to the Heart

**Chapter 5-A Detour to the Heart**

After Frodo walked out of the room, the three conspirators stared at each other in dismay. Each of their faces clearly expressed how sad and distressed they were at the previous few moments. Frodo had not told them anything they didn't already know. Instead, he'd shut his mouth faster than a clam and only mentioned something vague about how he'd been better. Ridiculous. "Well, that went well," said Mr. Pippin, dejectedly.

"I must admit that didn't go quite how I thought it would," said Mr. Merry in surprise.

Sam only grunted. He could have told them that Mr. Frodo likely wouldn't listen. After all, he'd been trying to talk sense into Mr. Frodo for _weeks_. But he had hoped that maybe he'd be different since it was the three of them. Apparently not. "What should we do now, Mr. Merry?"

Mr. Merry sat down in the nearest chair with a thump, but he didn't say anything. So Sam assumed he was thinking. He watched as Merry clasped his hands together. "Clearly, the direct approach will not be possible since Frodo did not speak to us, despite our best efforts," he said at length. "Perhaps it is time to take an indirect approach to help him. A detour, if you will, a detour to his heart. And so I think we need to add another member to our conspiracy."

Sam stared at Mr. Merry, and sat on the chair across from him. _A detour to his _heart_? _ What in the Shire could that possibly mean? Why couldn't Mr. Merry just speak plainly about his plan? Why, stick him in a white robe and Mr. Gandalf could be with them, speaking in his usual riddles that didn't make much more sense than what Mr. Merry just said. "And who would that be, Mr. Merry?" he asked impatiently. "I told you that the only other hobbit that Mr. Frodo sees is…"

"….is Lilly Banks," Mr. Merry finished. "I know, Sam."

Mr. Pippin had been slumping against the wall, his eyes drifting shut (clearly Mr. Merry's plan didn't make sense to him either. Or perhaps it was still an effect of all the ale he'd drunk last night) but now they opened wide. "My cousin, Lilly? She comes here?"

"She does, Mr. Pippin," said Sam. "Mr. Frodo is teaching her Elvish."

"Exactly," said Mr. Merry. "And Sam here thinks that Lilly is…somewhat sweet on Frodo already. So all we need do is ask her to see if she can talk to him. Maybe he'll listen to her when he won't to us."

_Huh_, thought Sam. That didn't make much more sense either. "Why is that, Mr. Merry?" said Sam.

"We're too close to this- too close to what happened, Sam, especially you," said Mr. Merry, who gazed over at Sam. "But Lilly doesn't know anything. She's…not partial to any side because she didn't live it. Maybe she'll have some insight that we don't into the situation that will help him."

Sam wasn't entirely certain about that, and he had no qualms in saying so. "That's assuming a whole lot, Mr. Merry," said Sam. "And no mistake. Why would he talk to _her _when he won't to us?"

A small smile lifted the corners of Mr. Merry's lips. "Sam, didn't you hear when Frodo described his ideal lass?"

"Yes, of course I was, Mr. Merry, but-…" Suddenly it dawned on Sam what Mr. Merry was trying to say. A detour to his heart, indeed. Mr. Merry wanted to match Mr. Frodo up with Lilly because she was just like what he'd said he wanted. And maybe, just maybe, if Mr. Frodo fell in love he'd stop thinking about those memories so much. "Oh!"

"What?!" said Mr. Pippin impatiently, standing upright once more. "What?!"

"Mr. Frodo might well have been describing Lilly," said Sam. "Is that right, Mr. Merry?"

Mr. Merry smiled wider now, pleased that Sam had figured out his plan. "Exactly, Sam," he said. "At the beginning, I think he was just trying to placate us, but then I realized it was the truth. And it sounds a lot like her."

"You think she'll understand the quest?" asked Sam.

It was Mr. Pippin who unexpectedly answered. "I've known her a long time, since she is my cousin, and I think that she somehow would."

"I think so, Pip," said Mr. Merry. "Especially since I believe she could love him." He sighed deeply, traces of sadness in his eyes. "Maybe the love of a lass like her would be able to ease his heavy heart in a way that the three of us cannot. And then we wouldn't worry about him being all alone."

In his mind, Sam had a sudden vision of Mr. Frodo and Lilly living at Bag End with a small hobbit lad beside them with Mr. Frodo's dark curly hair and his big blue eyes. He was there too, with Rosie and two other little hobbits- one a boy (which of course would be named Frodo) and an older girl. He somehow knew that they were his and Rosie's, and the thought made him smile. More than anything, he wanted to see this come to pass. "I think it's a grand idea," he said.

Mr. Pippin nodded. "I think so too. I only want the best for my cousin Lilly, and who better than Frodo?" he said. "Do you think we should go and talk to her about this?"

Mr. Merry stood up., and so Sam did as well. "Yes, indeed," he said. "We should- right now, and if we do, it will give Frodo some time to think too."

Sam couldn't help but disagree with that, and he had no qualms about saying so. "Begging your pardon, Mr. Merry," said Sam bluntly. "But I don't think Mr. Frodo needs more time to think. He's done too much of that already and no mistake. It's that mind of his that's been giving him trouble"

"I understand, Sam," said Mr. Merry kindly. "But I'm sure he will be thinking about our recent talk, and there isn't anything we can do about it."

Sam sighed. Mr. Merry was probably right about that. Nobody could really tell Mr. Frodo what to do that often. He was a stubborn Baggins, after all, and was prone to digging in his heels when he wanted to. "I suppose so," he said. "Do you want me to go tell him we're leaving?"

"Actually, I think I should," said Mr. Pippin. "Lilly is my cousin, and he wouldn't be suspicious if I said I wanted to visit her."

"Wonderful, Pippin," said Mr. Merry. "We'll wait for you here."

After Mr. Pippin went to talk to Mr. Frodo, Sam and Mr. Merry waited patiently by the door of Bag End, cloaks on, and soon Mr. Pippin joined them. "All right, we're ready," he said.

The three hobbits walked out into the cool November air, heading toward Hobbiton and Bywater. "So, how was Mr. Frodo?" said Sam, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Mr. Pippin darted a glance at Sam, and sighed. "I found him in his study, like I thought I would. He was just sitting there, staring into space, Mellon curled up by his feet. He had his pipe, but he wasn't doing anything with it. I told him where we were going, and he said to have a nice time and say hello to Lilly for him. He didn't mention anything about our talk, though."

"Hmm…" said Mr. Merry thoughtfully.

Sam wondered what that meant. It was a meaningful 'hmm', there was no doubt about it. "What's hmmm, Mr. Merry?"

"Nothing, Sam," said Mr. Merry. "It's about what I expected, though I am surprised he told Pippin to say hello to Lilly."

"Maybe they're friends," said Mr. Pippin.

"Maybe," said Mr. Merry.

But he said nothing else, and they walked the rest of the way to Lilly's home in Bywater in silence. When they reached the house, Pippin knocked on the door since it was his cousin, after all. They heard the sound of footsteps, and then Lilly opened the door. Immediately, her face lit up in delight. "Why, Pippin Took!" she said happily. "When I heard you'd be in town, I'd hope you'd stop by. Come in, come in. You too, Merry and Sam."

Obediently they followed Lilly into the kitchen where she promptly offered them tea and scones. Of course Sam didn't hesitate in accepting, and neither did the other two hobbits. There was nothing better than Mrs. Banks' scones in all the Shire, and no mistake. The four of them made pleasant conversation, until Mr. Merry masterfully stirred the topic over to Mr. Frodo and his obvious sadness. He also mentioned that they'd tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn't speak of any of it at all. For Lilly's part, she heard Mr. Merry out patiently. When he finally stopped, she began to talk. Sam thought her concerns were aroused just as theirs had. "I would do anything to help Frodo," said Lilly. "I hope you know that. But if I may ask, what leads you to believe that he'll talk to me when he didn't talk to you, his dear friends?"

"We're too close to this whole thing, you know, Lilly," said Mr. Merry. "But you're not. You haven't said the same things over and over about what happened."

Lilly's face crumpled, and she looked like she was trying not to cry. "I'm sorry, Merry, but I _don't _know. I don't even know what happened."

"So He hasn't said anything?" said Mr. Pippin quietly.

She shook her head. "No, nothing except for something vague about the journey being extremely difficult for him." She raised her hands helplessly. "But I knew that just by looking at him. He's obviously lonely and sad. That's why I gave him Mellon."

"You gave him the cat?" said Mr. Merry. "Brilliant of you, Lilly. She hardly leaves his side- and he doesn't seem to mind it too much either."

She smiled faintly. "I'm glad. I'm glad he has her as a friend."

Sam couldn't help but speak up. "So you'll help us?" he asked.

Lilly sighed, fidgeting with the folds in her dress. Then she met Sam's eyes. "Sam, Merry…dear Pippin," she said. "I will help in any way I can. What do you want me to do?"

"See if you can get him to tell you what happened," said Mr. Merry.

She bit her lip. "I don't think he wants to," she said. "I didn't have the impression it's something he talks about."

Lilly was right about that. "He doesn't, and no mistake, Lilly," said Sam. "He should though. Mr. Frodo's the dearest hobbit in the Shire, but he doesn't always know what's good for him."

"And talking about what happened would help him?" asked Lilly.

It wasn't as if _not_ talking about it was helping Mr. Frodo in the slightest. "Yes, I think it will, Lilly," said Sam. "I think he'd feel better if he did."

Lilly said nothing for a moment, obviously thinking. "All right, let's say he does tell me," she said finally. "What am I supposed to do then?"

Mr. Pippin smiled. "Lilly, dear cousin, I am sure you be fine. You often say exactly what someone needs to hear when they're hurting, and I'm sure the same would be true with Frodo."

"That's kind of you, Pippin," she said, a small smile coming back to her face. "I'll…I'll do what I can when I see him."

"Thank you, Lilly," said Mr. Merry. "In the meantime, will you do something for us?"

Sam darted a glance at Mr. Merry, and he saw Mr. Pippin do the same. He wondered what Mr. Merry was thinking.

The slightest hint of surprise filled Lilly's eyes. "And what's that, Merry?"

"Do you have any suggestions for us?" he said. "To help Frodo, I mean."

She sat back in her chair, her hand fingering the handle of her cup. She said nothing, though Sam was sure she was thinking about his question. "Well, I'm not sure I can say anything you don't know already, Merry," she said at last. "Without all the facts, it's difficult to know exactly what to tell you." She took a sip of her tea. "Yet I feel that no matter what happened, Frodo needs to know what _anyone_ would."

"What's that, Lilly?" said Sam.

She gave him a smile. Oh, she indeed had a pretty smile. He couldn't see how Mr. Frodo couldn't have noticed that. "That you love him, Sam. That no matter where he goes or what he does, you still will always give him your love and support. I understand that he hasn't talked to you about how he feels, but you should let him know that you care and you're always there in case he does. Don't forget that maybe he doesn't talk about it because it hurts too much, and you might have to learn to accept that." She bit her lip again. "You all might think about embracing him when you return and tell him how glad you are that he's your friend because he's….he's a very special hobbit." She laughed faintly. "If he were a girl, I'd say give him flowers, but he's not. But I suppose you could possibly bring him something he might like." Suddenly her face grew thoughtful. "I might have the very thing. Would you wait here? I'll be right back."

The three hobbits exchanged glances, but they still did as Lilly said. They spoke quietly amongst themselves, and from what Sam could tell, Mr. Merry was pleased with her answer. Soon Lilly came back, her cheeks flushed, with something in her hand. "Here, Sam," she said.

Sam took it from her, turning it over in his hands. It was a small, leather-bound blue book. "A book?" He opened it, flipping through it, but he found it was completely blank. "It's empty, Lilly." How could an empty book help Mr. Frodo?

Lilly smiled. "Yes, Sam, it is," she said. "But it is supposed to be."

"A journal," said Mr. Merry, pleased. "Isn't that right, Lilly?"

"Or diary," she said. "But journal does sound...better, doesn't it? Either way, it's intended to be a private place where he can write down his thoughts."

"I think it's a jolly splendid idea," said Mr. Merry. "Frodo _does_ like to write." He reached into his pocket and held out some bills to her.

But she shook her head. "Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of taking your money, Merry. Think of it as a gift."

"That's very generous of you, Lilly. But wouldn't your parents mind?"

"Not at all," she assured him. "They like Frodo. I'm sure they're quite willing to help."

Sam knew that was true. Mr. Frodo had told him about how Mrs. Banks had invited him for tea the last time he'd been here.

"If I may, Lilly," said Mr. Pippin suddenly."Can I ask you why you picked blue? Is that the only color books that you had?"'

She flushed. "No, Pippin, there were other….other colors," she said. "It was just that the color blue reminded me of him."

Mr. Pippin nodded knowingly. "Because his eyes are blue, isn't that right, cousin?"

Now her face turned red, and Sam felt more than a little sympathy for her. Mr. Pippin was obviously teasing her a bit too much. "Yes, I suppose Frodo's eyes are blue," said Lilly mildly.

"Big_ and_ blue," said Mr. Pippin. "And don't you think that-…."

"All right, I think that's enough for now, Pip," said Mr. Merry, thankfully ending the torture that had to be this line of questioning for Lilly. After Mr. Merry had cut off Mr. Pippin's pestering, they chatted for a little while longer, and upon Lilly's suggestion, Merry wrote something to Frodo on the first page and then they all signed it. Once they finished and wrapped the book, Mr. Merry stood up, and Sam took that as their cue to leave. He rose to his feet as well, and so did Mr. Pippin. "Thank you for everything, Lilly, but I think we'd better be off."

Lilly looked slightly disappointed, but she masked it well. "All right. Thank you for stopping by. I'll be sure to try and see if I can get him to talk to me."

"Thank you, Lilly," said Mr. Pippin. He gave her a large hug. "And thank you very much for having us."

"You're welcome, Pippin," she said. "Good bye for now."

They all said farewell to Lilly, and set out for Bag End. But Sam did not forget how Mr. Pippin joked at Lilly's expense and he wanted to say something about it. Poor Lilly. She'd looked like she wanted to disappear. Yet it probably wasn't his place. But luckily, it was Mr. Merry who chided Mr. Pippin when they'd put enough distance between them and Lilly's home."You really shouldn't have teased Lilly so much, Pip," he said.

Mr. Pippin stopped in the middle of the road, staring at Mr. Merry. "Why ever not?"

"Because you were embarrassing her," he said. "It was obvious that she didn't want to talk about it."

"Huh," Mr. Pippin said. He suddenly grinned. "But I found out what I wanted to- she obviously noticed his eyes, don't you think, Merry?"

"Begging your pardon, Mr. Pippin," said Sam, finding that he couldn't stay silent any longer. "But any lass in the Shire would notice his eyes. They _are_ big and blue like you said." Mr. Frodo's eyes were something a hobbit lass couldn't miss.

"Well, I still think that she's sweet on him," said Mr. Pippin.

They had reached the door of Bag End, and Sam was glad of it. "I think we are all in agreement on that front, Pip," said Mr. Merry. For a moment, the three friends stared at the door, and Sam was sure that they were all thinking about how Mr. Frodo would be when they saw him.

"There's nothing for it," said Sam practically. "We have to go in eventually."

Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin nodded, and Sam opened the door. He could only hope that Mr. Frodo would be in a better mood than he had been that morning.

XxXxXxXx

Frodo hadn't moved much since the three hobbits had left. He'd been too lost in thought, Mellon curled up comfortingly by his feet, and he mulled over the conversation he'd had that morning in his mind. Merry, Pippin, and Sam had confronted him, trying to get him to talk about how he felt, and he'd….well, he hadn't done it. He _couldn't _do it. Remembering it was bad enough, but talking about it? That was even worse. Ir made him hurt deep inside in a way that he couldn't describe. So he'd been somewhat short with them, especially Sam, and he felt rather sorry now. Sam didn't deserve his sharp remarks; he'd been the victim of them far too often. He _had _to bring in his temper in line, and stop snapping at those who cared about him. Sam had been nothing but kind and supportive to him- had even gone to Mount Doom with him! He needed to apologize to Sam when he returned.

But Sam was still wrong. He was a dear, dear hobbit, but he wasn't right. Not this time. Somehow he thought he knew what it was like to bear the Ring, but he didn't. Frodo knew he'd held it when Sam thought he'd died, but still. It wasn't the months that he carried it, the power of it growing stronger every step of the way, every waking moment becoming more and more like a waking nightmare. Memories of the journey after that point filled his mind. Climbing up the unending stairs of Cirith Ungol, being poisoned by that horrendous Shelob creature, waking up a captive of orcs- Sam rescuing him again from certain death. Escaping the tower only to be nearly caught again. Walking through the unbearable heat of Mordor, attempting somehow to keep going on when he had no energy left to walk or fight the Ring. Finally collapsing on the mountain, and Sam carrying him up it. Standing at the searing fire after the long journey.

And then he'd failed. He'd failed in his task, in his willpower…he'd betrayed the trust that other had placed in him. He'd claimed the Ring as his own, nearly dooming them all.

How could anyone possibly forgive him of that?

Suddenly he heard the sound of footsteps coming toward him- three sets, to be exact. Merry, Pippin, and Sam must have returned. He turned around to see them standing there, Sam with something in his hand. "Hullo, friends," he said with more brightness than he felt. "Did you all have a nice time?"

Relief filled all three of their faces. Obviously, they'd been worried about him. "Yes, indeed, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "And we have something for you." He held out a small package.

"Something for me?" he said, surprised. "Sam, you didn't have to bring me anything."_ I surely don't deserve it after my surliness this morning. _

"We know we didn't," said Merry. "But we wanted to. It's just a little something to show that we care about you."

He took the package from Sam, thinking that lucky he was to have such kind friends. "Well…thank you," he said softly. "You are the dearest friends that any hobbit could have." He turned it over in his hands.

"What are you waiting for, Frodo?" said Pippin. "Just open it."

He smiled a little at Pippin's impatience. "All right, Pippin." He gently took off the paper to reveal a small blue book. "A book?" He loved books, but he wasn't sure what book it was. It didn't seem to have a title anywhere.

"Look inside," said Merry.

He opened the book to the first page, only to see Merry's familiar script.

_To our dear cousin and friend Frodo,_

_We hope that writing in this book will help you with your memories of the quest. Don't forget that we all love you very much._

_From,_

_Merry Pippin & Sam_

He felt deeply touched by his friends' thoughtfulness, and a cold spot deep inside him that had been ever present since he'd come home began to thaw. They'd showered love and kindness on him, and he didn't know how he deserved it. "Thank you, everyone," he said. "This is…." He swallowed hard. "Well, it's so kind of you."

"So you'll use it, Mr. Frodo?" said Sam brightly. "I mean, you'll write in it?"

He didn't want to say no to Sam. "Yes, of course, I'll write in it."

The three hobbits looked pleased, and he smiled back at them. It seemed the least he could do was to journal like they'd asked. But he still had no idea what he'd possibly find to write about.

xXxXxXxxXxXx

**_From the journal of Frodo Baggins_**

_**November 13**_

_This afternoon my dear friends, Sam, Merry, and Pippin presented me with this little blue book, in the hopes that "it will help me with my memories of the Quest." I am unsure as to how that will happen, but I suppose I am willing to at least try it. It seems the least I can do for Merry, Pippin, and Sam- Sam who has very patient with my moods lately. Later Merry told me that this book was also intended to be a private place where I could record my thoughts. He sounded like he was reciting though, and I wondered if perhaps someone else had given them the idea. But I suppose I won't ever know. It is not as if I plan to ask them about it._

_I have to confess that I feel odd "recording my thoughts"- as if they were worth much at all. However, I must admit that there is something inviting about the emptiness of this small book that entices me to write. As I flip through its pages, I can't help but wonder what will the blank pages bring, Will there be any changes in my life at all?_

_**November 14**_

_This morning, Pippin, Merry, Sam, and I enjoyed a pleasant time just talking and eating. I'm pleased to write that I didn't say anything snappish either- which is truly splendid considering how I seem to do that despite my best efforts. But I was sorely tried after luncheon when I excused myself to ready for Lilly's lesson. Pippin immediately followed me and started teasing me about it. "Have to primp for your lass, Frodo?" he joked. "Don't worry, I think your hair looks fine."_

_Honestly. When I have I ever been known to primp? I'd much rather read a book or take a walk- and he jolly well knew that. "She's not my lass, Pippin," I said, in a much pleasant voice than I felt. "And I'm not doing anything with my hair. I'm putting the kettle on if she wants tea, and gathering the books I use to teach her Elvish- because that is why she comes here."_

_He gave me a skeptical look, and I wished Sam and Merry were here to help. But they'd decided to look at the gardens after they'd finished eating. "Oh, right," said Pippin as he watched me set the kettle on. "I'm sure that's what you do."_

_That irritated me tremendously, I'm sorry to say, and I said something more sarcastic than I should have. "And what is it that you think we do, Pippin? I whisper sweet nothings in Elvish to her or some other such rot? Sing her an Elvish love ballad?"_

_Well, that made Pippin hoot with laughter. I immediately regretted my hasty and facetious words."You said it, not me, Frodo," he said between his spurts of laughter._

_"Really, Pippin," I muttered. "Stop letting that imagination of yours run away with you."_

_He opened his mouth to speak again, but luckily I was saved for any further torture by a knock at the door. Pippin instantly started towards it, but I stopped him. "I'll get the door, Pippin," I said firmly. Luckily for me, he let me open the door without any further incident._

_Lilly was standing there, as I expected, with that__ charming__ characteristic smile of hers on her face- and it doesn't seem to me that much takes her smile away. I sometimes- no, I often- wish my own smile came as easily as hers. "Hullo, Frodo," she said. "Is Pippin still here?"_

_Of course she would ask about Pip. She had just seen him yesterday, but I wish she hadn't asked about him first. I know it isn't logical, but that is what I felt then. "Unfortunately yes," I mumbled._

_Pippin came to the door, and he and Lilly started chatting happily to one another. I don't even remember about what. While they did, I felt a twinge of…something, I can't even now explain what it was. But I was glad when Lilly politely excused herself for the lesson._

_Pippin didn't look too displeased about it, though, and he gave me a wink before we went to my study. Honestly, Pip! I usually teach her in the kitchen, but I wasn't about to do it there. There wouldn't be any privacy there, and I was sure that Pippin would probably be there eating again. Besides, the books were there anyway._

_Once we reached the study and I was ready to begin, Lilly asked me a completely unexpected question. "Did something happen between you and Pippin, Frodo?"_

_I don't know how she possibly realized that. Had my face really looked that irritated? "What makes you say that?" I said, pretending like I didn't know what she meant. Between me and the pages of this book, I can be so fake about my feelings sometimes. It drives Sam half-mad, but he can always see through me anyway (he doesn't seem to understand that I don't want to burden him with them). I'm starting to think that Lilly can too._

_She shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, I don't know," she said, though I had the impression that she did. "Your…jaw looks very tense."_

_Almost as soon as the words came out of her mouth, I realized that I had clenched my jaw. How did she notice something that subtle? "Huh, I guess it is," I said. "Well, you know how Pippin is. He likes to tease and sometimes it can be…." I stopped, attempting to find the least offensive word. He was her cousin too, after all._

_"Aggravating?" she supplied. "Irritating? Annoying? Exasperating? Frustrating?"_

_The number of synonyms she'd said was impressive. She's quite a smart hobbit lass. "Yes…."_

_She suddenly laughed, her eyes sparkling. "My brother Teddy can be like that too," she said. "You know what I learned though?"_

_"No, what did you learn?" I asked._

_"That you can't let it show that they're irritating you," she said firmly. "It's so much more fun if they know that they're getting to you. But if you are calm, maybe they'll stop."_

_"I never…I suppose I never thought of it that way."_

_She sighed. "Well, it's very hard to do and I know I still struggle with it. I've had a small break since he's in Buckland, learning carpentry from my brother in law. But…." She looked down, almost as if she were lost in her own thoughts. I wondered what she was thinking. "But if I may ask, what was he teasing you about?"_

_Oh dear. How was I supposed to answer that? How could I tell her that he was teasing me about having romantic feelings for her? "Oh, Pippin has this funny notion that I do something other than teach you Elvish when you're here."_

_"But what could you possibly…..?" Her voice trailed off, and she stared at me, eyes wide. "Oh. Pippin somehow thinks there is something romantic happening?"_

_"Indeed," I answered. "He's quite insistent on it, really. Actually, all three of them have been pestering me to 'find a lass.' Rubbish, don't you think?"_

_She smiled faintly. "Well, I know you want me to say yes, Frodo," she said. "But I can't. I'm not certain that it is rubbish and I think they have your best interests in mind. They just don't want you to be alone."_

_"Bilbo was alone for years and years," I muttered, thinking of the long time he'd spent as a bachelor. I didn't remember him telling me that people nagged him to "find a lass." But I….I must admit that I do not relish the thought of being alone forever. Bag End can be quite lonely at times with no one else here._

_She studied me, and for not the first time since I've started to teach her, I felt like she could see into my head. Her eyes grew thoughtful, and almost sympathetic- like she'd seen straight through to all the sorrow that weighs heavily on my heart . "You're not like Bilbo, Frodo," was all she said. "Nor has your life been the same as his."_

_Well, that was enough deep conversation for one day, and so I quickly changed the subject to Elvish verbs. Lilly's picking it all up quite well, I think. It's interesting to me, because she seems to struggle with whatever I tell her. But the next week she's mastered it. Perhaps she studies at home. I know I studied for hours when Bilbo first began to teach me._

_Yet as I taught her, I have to admit that my mind kept straying to her words. You're not like Bilbo._

_I'd like to deny what she said, and argue that I am like my dear uncle, that I love going off into the blue, and have adventure after adventure._

_But the truth is I'm not. My own adventure turned out to be something quite different than I'd imagined. It was no treasure hunt like Bilbo's, no lark, no hobbit walking-party, no quick there and back again journey. It was more like flying from one deadly peril to another, even more deadly peril and constantly being hunted, wounded, and tortured. The road grew more difficult and treacherous with every step we took. I can't recall too many moments when I wasn't wishing that I was home again._

_No, I am indeed not like Bilbo, and I even told him so back at Rivendell when I was already ready for home. I wondered then if he understood. I wonder even now._

_It amazes me that Lilly somehow realized that, though I have been given the same reputation as the "Cracked Baggins", I am not the same as he. Maybe Lilly is right about my friends, but it isn't as if I haven't been alone for years already (Did she not remember that, as dear as Bilbo is to me, I haven't had a "true" family since I was 12?). She reminds me of someone, though I am not quite certain who it is. In any case, I'm getting rather sidetracked. Lilly left shortly before dinner and once she had, I was nearly assaulted with teasing again- and of course it was by Pippin. "So, how was your lass, Frodo?" Pippin said to me, with that mischievous gleam in his eye._

_"She's not my lass, Pippin," I said patiently. I felt mildly irritated, but I tried to do as Lilly suggested and not show it._

_"Ah, yes, but do you want her to be?" he said, laughing._

_Luckily, I was saved from answering by Sam. "Now, now, Mr. Pippin, leave Mr. Frodo alone," he said._

_"Thank you, Sam," I said gratefully. And that was the end of that conversation, which suited me just fine. However, since no one will ever read this, I can ponder his comments more fully if I choose to- and somehow I do._

_Would I want Lilly to be my lass?_

_I must confess that if I were looking (which I am not; there is no doubt there) Lilly likely would be thesort of girl that I would want- she's exceptionally kind, caring, intelligent…even likes Elves! She has this special way about her that makes me feel at ease. Since this for my eyes only, I can admit that she is pretty too, with that curly brown hair and those big green eyes that are just like the grass of the Shire. She is…beautiful._

_Yet in the event that I would let myself fall in love with her (which I will not), I could never ask her to share my life with me. How could I possibly, in good conscience, do that when I know what it would mean for her? She'd be eternally bound to the broken and wounded hobbit that I am. How could that possibly be fair to her?_

_It wouldn't be. I suppose I could try explaining this to Merry, Pippin, and Sam and perhaps they'd cease their teasing if I did._

_But my heart tells me that somehow they would not understand._

_**Later that night-**_

_A few moments ago I realized who Lilly reminds me of-my mother. She has the same kindness and gentleness that Mum did, but also the same perception as her too. Mum never missed a thing when it came to her son or her husband. She always knew when either of us were sad, and what to say to cheer both of us up. Perhaps that is why I feel so at ease with Lilly. I don't know. Thinking about Mum too much still saddens my heart, even years later. Dearest Mum. You were taken from me much too soon._

_I just flipped through the pages of this book and realized that I used up 7 pages already. I suppose that my friends were right to give me this journal. Writing my thoughts here somehow clears my head. It's almost as if once I write it down here, it's not as burdensome on my mind. Who would have thought?_

_**November 16**_

_A sad day today. Merry and Pippin left for home this morning. Sam and I saw them off, and I was glad he was there with me when we walked back to Bag End. I felt lonely enough already now that they are gone, and it was a grand help to remember that Sam isn't going anywhere. I don't know how I'd bear it if he left somehow too._

_Bag End will feel so much quieter without them. There'll be no Pippin singing some jolly drinking song, no Merry talking about what he'd like to do to improve Buckland. When we finally reached home, Sam and I just sat for a while in the kitchen, both missing them in silence- and it was even more noticeable then since they'd just left._

_"You know they'll come back, Mr. Frodo," Sam said to me. "And in the meantime you have me and Mellon lookin' after you. Sure and Lilly will come around on Tuesdays too, sir. "_

_Sam is right, of course, but knowing that doesn't ease my sadness at their departure. I know that we had some tense times (especially with Pippin), but I wish they were still here. I love them, as my cousins and as my friends. I appreciate their help and support more than I could ever say. _

_Dear Merry and Pippin. May you find a safe road back to your homes._

_Until we meet again, my beloved hobbits._

* * *

AN: thank you very much to those who are reading, and to those who are reviewing. I appreciate your support very much. I hope you liked this chapter. The tile is a small reference to one of the chapters in the _Fellowship of the Ring_, "A Shortcut to Mushrooms."

thank you to ladyinblack for your suppot!


	7. The Story Revealed

_**Chapter 6-The Story Revealed**_

Lilly Banks did not forget much, and so it did not slip her mind that she had told Merry, Pippin, and Sam that she would try to talk to Frodo about…whatever had happened on his journey. For the next two lessons, the timing just didn't seem right to her and so she put it off. He seemed to be doing all right enough, maybe because he'd seen his dear cousins.

Yet the third lesson was completely different. From the moment he opened the door he looked unbearably sad and distressed, and she'd almost been tempted to tell him she could come back another day. He immediately took her back to his study though, mentioning briefly when she asked about Sam that he was spending the rest of his day with Rosie. Lilly wasn't sure what to make of it, but she found that she needed to focus on her Elvish. Maybe he'd cheer up later. That had happened before since she knew he liked Sindarin so much.

But as the lesson continued, his demeanor didn't improve and his eyes were so filled with sadness that she decided to seize the moment. "Please forgive me for asking, Frodo," she said. "But are you all right? You just don't seem quite well today."

He glanced down at his hands. "I-….I suppose I've been better," he murmured.

Shock filled her at his honest answer. "Would you like to talk about it?" she asked. He hesitated, and so she spoke again. "You can be assured that anything you tell me would stay between the two of us."

"I know, Lilly," he said. "But it's….it's a very long story."

"I'd be more than happy to listen," she said softly.

He said nothing for a moment, but then he finally began to talk to her, pouring out a positively heartbreaking story about his (and Merry, Pippin, and Sam) quest to destroy a very evil ring of the Dark Lord Sauron's deep within the land of Mordor- a ring that corrupted the owner. He'd promised at the Council of the Elf, Elrond, to take the Ring there. He'd had five other companions, along with him and the three other hobbits, but eventually he and Sam had gone off by themselves so the Ring wouldn't poison the others. A creature named Gollum found them, who'd also borne the Ring and who was quite consumed with it. But Gollum had managed to guide them to Mordor.

Traveling through Mordor, the Land of Shadow, was the worst part of the whole journey, he said. By then he could see the Eye of Sauron with his eyes nearly all the time, and he felt as though he was in a complete trance due to the Ring. His strength was gone, and at one point he'd tried to crawl up the mountain with his hands. He couldn't even remember what food tasted like then, or water. He wouldn't have made it to the fire if it weren't for Sam, who had carried him up the mountain. They eventually reached the top, where Gollum found them again. He paused there for a long time, and said nothing. He fingered what looked like a white shining jewel that hung around his neck, and stared at the floor.

Lilly felt very curious about what happened next, but she knew enough to not ask questions. He'd tell her when he was ready. She wouldn't pretend that she comprehended everything that he had told her, but she could understand enough to know that he had suffered greatly because of the Ring and its effects lingered even now. But she knew that he was lucky to have such a wonderful friend as Sam.

"Many people don't know the truth of what really happened there, Lilly," he said softly after a long time. "Some call me a hero, but I am not. In the last moments, at Sammath Naur, I…I claimed it. It was only a lucky happenstance that the Ring ended up destroyed."

Lilly was quiet now, as was her habit when she did not know what to say. Not because she thought somehow that what he'd done was terrible, but because she didn't know what to say that would ease the horrible guilt she saw in his eyes.

"I will never forgive myself for it," he said, his hand grasping the jewel more tightly. "All of the work of the Fellowship, of Rohan, and Gondor, was nearly undone, and all because of me."

"Guilt- and regret too- is a heavy burden, Frodo," said Lilly, finding something to say at last. "One that I know no one wants you to bear." She let out a deep sight. "You already bore the heaviest one of all. Please do not add another."

"How can I not, Lilly?" he said sadly.

"You suffered enough, Frodo," said Lilly. "More than enough. Do not torture yourself with how you might change the past."

"But I failed," said Frodo, quite insistently. "Don't you see? I _failed_."

"And how did you fail?" she said in a gentle tone. "You achieved what you wanted to do. You set out to destroy the Ring. And it is. The Shire is saved too."

"But I failed in my willpower," he said. "In my duty. I succumbed to the Ring's influence."He hung his head, and he said the next words so quietly that she almost did not hear them. "I was weak."

"I'm certain you did the best you could, Frodo," said Lilly softly. "Sometimes that's all we can ask of someone."

"I should have done more, I should have tried harder to resist-…."

"I'm not sure how you can believe that," she interrupted, though she did not do so rudely. "From what you've told me, anyone would be lucky to bear it half as far as you did without succumbing to it."

He shook his head. "I failed," he said, his voice barely audible.

"Has anyone said that to you, Frodo?" she asked. "Or is that something you put on yourself?"

Suddenly he stared at her like she was batty. "What? I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Did anyone tell you that?" she said again. "Did Sam? Merry? Pippin? Gandalf? Any of the other members of the Fellowship? The people of Gondor and Rohan? Have they said, 'Frodo, you failed'?"

"No….no," he said. "They seemed to somehow think I was a hero, and Sam thinks that the Ring claimed _me._ Silly, isn't it, don't you think?"

Lilly didn't think it was silly at all. She thought Sam was right- and so were the people of Gondor and Rohan. He _was_ a hero. "I'm not sure. It doesn't seem that silly to me. From what you said, the Ring was evil at its purest. Maybe somehow it _did_ claim you for its own purposes."

Frodo studied her for a long moment and she wondered what he was thinking. "You know, Frodo," she continued. "You also told me that you promised you'd take the Ring to Mordor. You didn't say anything about destroying it."

"Wasn't I supposed to?" he said quietly.

"I don't know, Frodo," she answered. "I couldn't say. But maybe it was your task to bear the Ring, not necessary to destroy it."

"Ring-bearer," he muttered, looking away from her. "_Cormacolindo."_

Lilly had no idea what that meant, but she couldn't resist the urge to gently touch his hand in an attempt to make him feel better. As she did, she realized that it was his wounded one- the one with the missing finger. She wondered how it had happened. He hadn't said anything about it.

Almost instantly, his eyes fixated on her, two deep pools full of grief. "Gollum bit it off," he said in response to her unspoken question. "It was his attempt to reclaim the Ring. He stumbled and fell in the Fire, destroying himself and the Ring by his own greed."

In all of her imaginings, she never would have guessed that. Never. It was more horrible than anything she could have dreamed. "To lose a finger in that way…I don't even know what to say," she whispered. "It seems to me that you had more than your fair share of hardships." She studied him, saw the sorrow and pain in his face, and she felt terrible. She thought of the hobbits like Dottie Grubb who spoke callously of him, calling him cracked….completely unaware of what this one hobbit had done for her-had done for all of them, really. And what was worse, she probably didn't even care. He'd sacrificed everything for hobbits that didn't even seem aware of what he'd done to keep their homeland safe. It was heartbreaking, and her heart ached. "All I can do is thank you. Thank you so much for saving the Shire for us, Frodo."

Surprise filled his face. "Well, I suppose you're welcome, Lilly, though I'm not sure I 'saved the Shire.' But I appreciate the sentiment," he said. He paused for a few moments. "You know, you're the only one I've told about the quest."

"I'm honored," she said softly. "Thank you for sharing it with me."

He shook his head. "I'm not sure that it's an honorable story," he said. "I wouldn't be surprised if you think differently of me now that you know."

She did think differently of him- she thought of him even more highly than she had before. "What happened wasn't your fault, Frodo. I'm sure Sam would tell you the same." His face still expressed disbelief, and she didn't know what else to do. "Frodo, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart that all of this happened to you." She patted his hand, and moved to take it back. But much to her surprise, he held it.

"Thank you, Lilly," he said, an unreadable expression in his eyes. "Thank you for your kind words."

"You're very welcome," said Lilly. She studied him, and her women intuition told her that he needed time to be alone- to think, to process her words. "Frodo, I've enjoyed our time so much, but I think I should head home. I think you need some time to…to, well,_ think _about what I've said."

She could see the surprise in his face, but he laughed softly. "Yes, I do," he said. "Though Sam would tell me that the last thing I need is to _think." _His voice abruptly changed to a brogue. "'Sure and you think too much, Mr. Frodo, and I don't like it. You brood, that's what you do, and it ain't healthy. Make no mistake, sir, it ain't right for a hobbit to be inside too much either.'"

Frodo's imitation of Sam was so perfect that Lilly couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, that sounds like him. But I think Sam just doesn't want you to _overthink," _she said. "There's a difference between thinking something through, and thinking about it so much that you upset yourself. That's what Sam means by brooding."

She could tell that she'd surprised him once again. She wasn't trying to, but she supposed it was just happening anyway. Yet if his guilt could be eased at all by her words, than she'd consider it a success. "Oh, I see," said Frodo. "Well, I suppose I may…._brood_ on occasion then."

"It makes sense that you would," said Lilly. "Anyone might, with such terrible memories as you have." She immediately thought about her suggestion about journaling to Merry and Pippin, and she searched his desk where they were sitting, wondering if the journal would be here. It was, actually sitting out by him, like it was just waiting for him to write in it.

He noticed the direction of her gaze. "That's a journal my friends gave me. It's supposed to help me with my memories of the Quest."

"Yes, I know," she said softly.

Abruptly he studied her, his eyes boring into hers. "It was you. You gave them the suggestion."

She thought briefly about denying it, but she decided not to. "Yes, I did, Frodo," she said honestly. "Merry asked me what they could do to make you feel better. I'm not sure why, but maybe it's because I'm a lass and know more about feelings or something. I don't know. But I suggested that they give you the journal. I thought the process of writing down whatever is bothering you might help." She sighed. "Does….does it?"

He stared at the book now. "Yes, somehow it does," he said.

"I'm glad," said Lilly. "I'm very glad it does." She stood up, and he did as well. "I'm sorry, I know I meant to go."

"That's quite all right," he said. He smiled slightly at her, though his eyes still seemed sad to her. She wondered if there was anything that could take that expression out of his eyes. Despite that though, they both walked to the door. She hesitated there, part of her not wanting to leave. Her heart wanted to stay, mostly because she didn't want him to be alone and sad. She tried to remind herself that Mellon was there, but she knew Sam was busy with Rosie tonight. But Her family was expecting her though, and Mum didn't like it when she was late. "I guess I'll be heading home then."

He nodded. "Yes. Say hello to your family."

"I will, Frodo." She turned to go, but his fingers lightly brushed her hand. She turned to face him, somewhat surprised.

He was looking at her, seriousness in his blue eyes. They always reminded her of the sky, though right now they were like a cloudy day to be sure. But if she was honest, she thought they were beautiful. The idea made her blush, though he didn't seem to notice.

"Before you go, I wanted to say….thank you," he said. "For listening. It…" He stopped, blinking several times. "Let's just say it meant a lot to me."

"Anytime, Frodo," she said quietly."I-…well,….if there's any way I can help you, just let me know. I'll see you next week."

"Namarie," he said.

As she walked home, her mind couldn't help but go back and think about all the things he told her. So much of was too heartbreaking for words.

It was now no wonder to her why he looked so sad.

XxXxXxXx

That night at dinner, Lilly could only pick at her food. The words Frodo had said repeated themselves. In her mind, she could see his sad face and hear his sorrowful voice. She could remember the callous way the hobbits treated him. And she could barely eat.

Mum noticed her lack of appetite and commented. "Aren't you hungry, Lilly?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mum. I'm just….not tonight." Her gaze dropped down to her plate, but she felt Mum's and Daisy's eyes on her. Throughout the rest of the meal, she made an effort to keep up a conversation, but it was exhausting. As soon as she could, she excused herself politely and went up to her room. She tried to read for a little while, but she couldn't focus on it at all. Her mind kept traveling back to the hobbit in Bag End. Eventually, she fell into a light sleep.

Her last conscious thought was how badly she felt for Frodo.

XxXxXxXx

When Lilly woke up, it was dark. But her pillow was wet, and so were her cheeks and she knew she'd been crying in her sleep. More hot tears fell down her cheeks, and she hugged her pillow to her. Poor Frodo. His past tugged at her heart, and it was all so horrible to think about. Why did terrible things have to happen to such a good hobbit? She was sure that all he'd ever wanted was a life of peace in the Shire. Why couldn't he have had that? It seemed so unfair to her that he'd been robbed of it. She buried her face in her pillow and just let herself cry.

"Lilly?"

She looked up at the door. Daisy was standing there, a worried look on her face. "Are you all right? I heard you crying."

Lilly tried to say she was fine, but all that came out was a muffled sob. Daisy immediately sat by her, patting her shoulder comfortingly. Yet Lilly couldn't seem to stop crying. "Do you want to talk about it?" said Daisy gently. A lump rose in her throat, leaving her unable to speak. "Was it something Frodo told you when you saw him this afternoon?"

Daisy was more perceptive than she thought she was. "Yes," whispered Lilly. "He told me what really happened on his journey."

"Was it very horrible?" said Daisy softly.

"It was more horrible and terrible than anything you can imagine," said Lilly. "It was heartbreaking to hear everything that happened to him."

Daisy didn't say anything for a moment. "I am sorry, Lilly," she said. "He seems like a kind hobbit."

"I am sorry too," said Lilly, thinking of his gentle demeanor. "Because he is."

Daisy said nothing for a moment, but then Lilly heard her sigh. "Was he very sad?"

Lilly thought before she responded. She remembered the deep sorrow she'd seen in his eyes, the way he sometimes faltered when he told her about a particularly upsetting time. "Yes," said Lilly. "He seems….heartbroken to me. There's so much pain inside him. I wish…I wish I could do something to help him."

"Do you think…..Are you in love with him, Lilly?" Daisy whispered.

Lilly went completely still. Daisy's words repeated themselves in her mind. _In love…. _"Why would you ask me that?"

"I don't know," said Daisy, offhand. "You've spent time with him lately, and you sounded so upset for him….it just seemed like a good question to ask."

"I'm not sure if I am or not," Lilly said honestly after a long silence. "But I've known Frodo a long time. Since I was a little younger than you."

"I know," said Daisy. "And if you were….well, it'd be perfectly fine with me. He is so very kind." Daisy let out a small giggle. "Handsome too. _And_ rich."

"Daisy!" Lilly tried hard to chide her sister, but she couldn't do it. She laughed softly too, thinking of his blue eyes. "He is, but we really should probably sleep now."

"Emmmm," mumbled Daisy. She crept under the covers and snuggled next to Lilly. "All right."

"What are you doing?" Lilly asked.

"Sleeping here," said Daisy, who now sounded barely awake. "You should have somebody here since you were so sad."

"Thank you, Daisy," said Lilly, who truly appreciated her sister staying with her.

But she couldn't help but think of someone else who might be sad tonight.

Yet there was no one who could comfort him.

XxXxXxXxXx

As it happened, that same moment Frodo was lying awake himself, unable to fall asleep after a bad dream. Nightmares and the like were not entirely unusual for him, as they had been all too common since his return, though some were considerably worse than others. The one he'd just had was about Weathertop, which meant he'd probably lie awake for hours, unable to sleep. The terror of reliving that was difficult to recover from. He didn't particularly like the thought of that, but it was certainly better than yet another disturbing dream. After a while, he decided to just get up and pulled on his robe. Maybe a nice hot cup of tea would help him relax and help him sleep.

He put the kettle on, and read some of his book while he waited for it to heat up. His mind wouldn't focus on what he was reading however, and once he made his tea, he walked into his study looking for another book to read. He couldn't find quite what he was looking for, and his attention was drawn toward his desk and the red book that was on it. Bilbo's book.

He sat down and thumbed through it. Bilbo had indeed done a very thorough job in recording his journey, though there were still many empty pages.

He sat back, lost in thought. Bilbo had written down his adventure; perhaps he should do the same. He dipped his pen in the ink and began to write:

_A Long-Expected Party_

XxXxXxXxXx

"Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo suddenly became aware of a hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake. It must be Sam. No one else called him that ever. "Sam?" he muttered. He opened his eyes, blinking in the bright sunlight. It was morning now. He must have fallen asleep on the pages of his book.

"Yes, it's Sam," he said. "What are you doing here?"

He assumed Sam meant in the study, and not in Bag End. He sat up all the way, wincing in pain. His neck ached, but that was probably what happened when you slept with your head at a ninety degree angle. "Rubbing the back of my head," he said. "Just in case you weren't sure, don't _ever_ sleep at your desk, Sam. It's a real pain in the neck." He couldn't believe he'd just made a joke. When was the last time_ that_ happened?

"I won't, sir," said Sam seriously, the joke falling flat on him. Probably because he couldn't be sure that it _was_ a joke. "But, begging your pardon, Mr. Frodo, why were you sleeping there anyway? I don't reckon it's a particularly comfortable place to rest."

Sam was certainly right on that count. "It's not. But I had a bad dream, Sam," he said. "So I came in here to read something, and started writing. I suppose I most have dozed off."

"Dozed off, indeed, Mr. Frodo," said Sam with a slight shake of his head. "Dead asleep is more like it." He glanced at the red book. "But if I may ask, what were you writing about?"

"The quest, Sam," he said quietly.

"Oh, I see," said Sam, the slightest hint of a frown on his face. "How far did you get?"

"I don't know," said Frodo. "I don't remember." He glanced down at the book, trying to determine where he had left off. He found the end of his handwriting, and sat back. "Oh. I'd just come back from the party and Bilbo was gone."

"Oh, I see," said Sam again. Then he let out a very deep sigh. "Mr. Frodo, I don't mean to tell you what to do, but are you sure writing all these memories down is a good idea? Won't it make you think about it too much?"

He had wanted to laugh when Sam said he didn't mean to tell him what to do- for indeed Sam told him what to do all the time! It was as much a part of Sam as his deep love of the earth. "The thoughts and emotions associated with it have to come out somehow, Sam," he said.

"Yes, I suppose so, Mr. Frodo," said Sam with a twinge of resignation. "But….well…" He shuffled his feet. "Try not to think about it too much if you can. It ain't healthy to dwell too much on that sort of thing, you know."

_Overthinking, _he thought. _Brooding. _That must be what Lilly was talking about- Sam didn't want him to dwell on the past. But it was hard not to, when the memories were so vivid in his mind. They always seemed to come back at night, even if he _could _somehow push them away during the day. The past tugged at him, and it took a lot of energy to fight it.

Sam studied him, his frown deepening. "You look so tired, sir," he said, worried. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"

"No, Sam," he said quietly. "Some nights are worse than others. But don't you ever have trouble sleeping yourself?"

"Yes, of course," said Sam quickly. "Doesn't everyone on occasion?"

On occasion, yes, but not most of the time. He could only wish he'd only be plagued with insomnia some of the time. "What do you do?"

Sam's cheeks turned a rosy pink, his hesitation clearly apparent. "Uh…."

"Sam, you know you can tell me anything," he said kindly.

"I know," said Sam. "Well, I think of Rosie, Mr. Frodo. I think about walking with her around the Shire, and her pretty curls and flowers in her hair… and-…" He blushed some more. "Well, it's hard to think about the unhappy things after that."

Sam's way of thinking when he couldn't sleep suited him. And why wouldn't he think of Rosie, the lass he loved? What else could give him such perfect and peaceful rest? "I understand, Sam," said Frodo. "But I'm not sure that'd work for me."

"Huh," said Sam. "Mr. Pippin would say you could think about your lass, Lilly."

Pippin had too much of an imagination. Soon he and Lilly would be next to engaged in his head, while they were only friends in reality. "She's _not_ my lass, Sam," he insisted. "Lasses is something for the three of you to have."

Sam smiled, almost like he had a secret he was keeping to himself. But Sam showed that his astuteness and said nothing else. "Of course not, sir," he said. "But if I may ask, how was she yesterday? Did you have a nice time?"

He wouldn't use the word _nice _to describe that afternoon. "I told her about the Ring and what happened at Sammath Naur, Sam," he said honestly.

Sam looked at him, clear surprise in his eyes "And what did she say?"

"She said that guilt and regret were heavy burdens, ones that no one would want me to bear," said Frodo, remembering her kind words. "And I should not torture myself with how I might change the past."

Sam nodded approvingly, obviously pleased with her answer. "'That is some good advice, Mr. Frodo. You might recall that Merry, Pippin, and I have said much of the same."

"Yes, I know, Sam. But I suppose it does not hurt for me to hear it again- from someone new this time." Sam and the others had told him that many times, though he'd never been able to believe it. He still couldn't. "You know, I do not understand why she keeps coming here. I must be dreadful company for her."

Sam said nothing for a short while, considering his answer. "I think she cares about your health," he said. "And I can understand that, sir. Anyone can tell that you're not all right."

He felt that if he let Sam continue, he'd fuss over him like he was a faunt. "Sam, you needn't fret over me," said Frodo, gently but firmly. "Please. You've done enough of that already."

"_Someone _needs to fret over you, Mr. Frodo," said Sam, just as persistent. Sam never gave up on anything. "Seein' as you are not completely well. So, if you please, I will 'fret over you' and I'll continue to unless you find someone else to do it."

"And who would that be, Sam?" asked Frodo tiredly, rubbing his eyes. Didn't Sam find it a little early to have this kind of conversation? He didn't know how much sleep he'd had, but it wasn't enough.

"A nice lass," sad Sam. "One that could lighten that heavy heart of yours."

Not this nonsense again. Honestly, how many times did he have to say that he wouldn't ever have a lass? "Sam, I know you've found your Rosie," said Frodo as patiently as he could. "And I know you'd like us all to be that happy, but please. I could not see how any lass would want to be with me, broken as I am."

"Well, now that's just stinkin' thinkin', Mr. Frodo," said Sam, with another shake of his head. "If you don't mind my saying so. I can think one who wants to at least be your friend, if you'd let her."

There was only one lass that he'd been talking to as of late. "You mean Lilly?"

"Yes, Mr. Frodo," said Sam kindly. "I meant Lilly. Or, if you will, the lass you just seemingly told the entirety of the quest to."

"I suppose I did, Sam," he mused. "But is there something the matter with it?"

"No," said Sam. "It is your story, to speak of to whomever you want. Yet you do not tell it often, that is for certain."

Sam was right about that, but there were two reasons that he didn't. The first was that nobody besides Lilly had asked. The second was that often it was too difficult to speak of it, even with his friends who'd been there with him. "I do not generally _like _to speak of it, you know that, Sam."

"And that is my point, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "You usually don't talk about it. So what made Lilly different?"

The validity of Sam's question could not be disputed, but he wasn't sure how to answer. "I don't know," said Frodo truthfully. "She stopped by to have her lesson. Then she told me I looked distracted today and if there was anything she could do to help. Somehow it all just came out." He sighed. "I don't know, Sam. She just seemed like a safe person to tell it to, and she won't spread it all over Hobbiton, like some other lasses might."

"No, she won't," said Sam, convinced as well that Lilly could be trusted. "But do you want to know what I think?"

Frodo managed to smile at his friend. Even if he said no, Sam would tell him anyway. One of Sam's best qualities was his complete straightforwardness. "I am sure you will tell me, Sam."

"I think that you found a friend in her, Mr. Frodo," said Sam, not without gentleness."Though you haven't admitted it yet."

He realized that over the weeks Lilly_ had_ become a friend to him. Perhaps that why he told her today what happened. "Yes, you're right, Sam," said Frodo. "She is a _mellon_, isn't she?"

A lard smile spread across Sam's face. "Yes. She and the cat both."

He couldn't remember having a lass for a friend in years. "I never thought much about having a friend who was a lass."

"Yes, well, if you ask me," said Sam, "you and Bag End both could use a female influence."

For some reason Frodo found that immensely amusing, despite the fact that he tired of all this sort of talk. "Oh we could, could we, Sam?"

"Yes, sir," said Sam. "And I ain't talking about a_ feline _female, if you catch my meaning."

Frodo laughed outright at that. Sam's face was quite comedic. "Oh, Sam," he said, shaking his head. "My dear Sam. The things you think!"

Sam looked slightly put out now. "You needn't make fun, Mr. Frodo. I was serious! Mellon does _not _count."

Sam's adamant face made him want to laugh again, but he didn't want to hurt Sam's feelings. "No, of course not," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Wouldn't you ever think of marrying anyone, sir?"asked Sam quietly. "Bag End has plenty of space for a big family. Certainly you must know that."

His blithe mood vanished as quickly as it had come. He remembered that in years past he had thought sometimes of having a child of his own, but those dreams had died along with so many others after the quest. "I do, Sam," he said, now somber. "But even if I found someone, how could I possibly ask her to share the kind of life that I have?"

"I don't think you should worry, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "If there is a right lass for you, she will love you _because _of everything that happened to you, and not in spite of it."

Sam had a perennial optimistic nature. Frodo knew this well from their journey together when Sam was certain they would make it home from Mordor. But he had a more difficult time believing Sam's words then, and he had a difficult time believing them now. Could there be a girl who would love him _because _he was missing a finger, _because _he was plagued by darkness and nightmares? Was that even possible in such a place as the Shire?"Is there such a lass, Sam?" he asked softly.

"There could be," he said. "You never know. You might well be surprised one day."

Frodo could not imagine being surprised in that way. He couldn't. Not here, not now. "Oh, Sam," he muttered. "You're the dearest friend, but I truly don't believe it will happen."

Sam smiled once more, with a small gleam in his eye. "All right, sir," he said.

Later that morning, after they'd eaten breakfast, Sam excused himself to go home, leaving Frodo alone with his thoughts and allowing him to ponder everything that Sam and Lilly had said.

XxXxXxXx

_**December 5**_

_This morning I woke up with that familiar black cloud of gloom hanging over my head, dragging me down into despair. I'd like to say that this is a rare occurrence for me, but it is not. It has happened all too often since I have returned home._

_Home….the word doesn't even feel the same as it used to. I've been back in the Shire for a month, and I suppose that I somehow thought that perhaps-after all the turmoil, all the change, all the horrible things that I experienced- the Shire would feel the same as it did before. And it doesn't. I finally realized that the Shire will __**never**__ feel the same as it did, because __**I **__am not the same. I heard it said once that there is no way you can return to a time when you were happy. And I fear that the same is true for me- there is no way to return to the happy and carefree hobbit I was before the Quest, no way to recover the innocence I've lost. There is no going back for me, no way to undo everything that happened. Home will never be the same, nor will it have the same meaning it did before. I've lost the home I love so dearly._

_The thought grieves my heart tremendously. I found it difficult to think of anything else during the day, and Sam would probably say I was brooding. But he left shortly after luncheon to spend time with Rosie, and so he wasn't there for much of the afternoon. I think it's only a matter of time before he asks her to marry him- and it couldn't happen to a better hobbit. Sam deserves all the happiness in the world._

_Once Sam left, I went to my study and just sat and thought for a while. Mellon joined me, lending her kitty comfort as she often does. I suppose I must have somehow forgotten that Lilly was coming this afternoon, because for a moment I could not understand why someone was knocking on my door. But I quickly remembered and let her in. I started the lesson, though I know my efforts were half-hearted at best. Naturally, Lilly noticed my sadness but she didn't say anything for at least half an hour. She finally asked me if I was all right. I'm so far from all right that I actually spoke truly and said I wasn't._

_She told me that she'd be more than happy to listen, deep compassion in her eyes. And so I found that the whole story poured out of me, like a dam bursting with water. She listened patiently, never once interrupting. I have to confess I looked away from her on occasion, but I could still feel her eyes on me. They never left me for a moment, not even when I told her about what I'd done at Mount Doom. I didn't know how she'd react to that. If she'd said something about how I failed I wouldn't have been surprised._

_Yet she didn't. Not a judgmental word came out of her mouth. Only words of encouragement- words about how I hadn't failed, that I'd done the best I could. She __**thanked **__me for saving the Shire. Thanked me!_

_ I'm starting to think that Lilly is one of the kindest hobbits I know._

_**December 6**_

_Last night I didn't sleep particularly well. I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me since I told the whole story to Lilly yesterday and it doesn't really. My memories are still strong, and it doesn't take much for me to feel like I'm back on the quest. I fell asleep all right, but then I dreamed I was at Weathertop, though I managed to wake up before I was stabbed. But it was very hard to return to sleep after that, and eventually I went to my study. I've decided to write an account of what happened on my journey just like Bilbo did._

_Maybe writing the story down will somehow make it less burdensome on my mind. Yet even if it doesn't, I hope that one day some hobbits might read it and appreciate and love the home they have here all the more._

* * *

So very sorry that this took so long to put up! I actually wrote a lot of this a long time ago, but was trying to wait until I was happy with it. Well, that never happens so here you are. Thank you to those who are reading :)


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